Can't Afford To Lose You
by L. Hiiragizawa
Summary: Tomoyo and Eriol are best friends.Both live in England.Yet a girl has tranferred and caught Eriol's eye. Tomoyo hates this...now that she have realized she had fallen for him, can she bear to play the game called love?. FINISHED!! Pls.R+R or else..
1. Best Friends

Can't Afford To Lose You… 

By L. Hiiragizawa

**Disclaimer:**           I do not own CCS nor its characters nor any of which you may find copyrighted in this ficcie… if there's any. Just judge it yourselves, I may not be pretty aware. I am human. I make mistakes of course. Don't sue. I'm still young. (Okay, I'm exaggerating already… time to shut up). And if I have the same title of fic as yours… I'm sorry I didn't know.

**AN:**                         I worked damn hard making this ficcie. Alright I'll accept flames, I aint perfect anyway. Shoutouts to the people who I know that knows this is I don't flame me, or I'll punch you in a while. (Kidding!)

Best Friends 

'Another cold Monday morning,' a girl of nineteen thought as she walked along a path of a nearly crowded street, feeling the icy, silent gush of wind whisper coldly, making her delicate, porcelain face flush a light shade of pink. Desperate and searching for warmth, she wrapped her arms around her tiny waist as she walked along the nearly busy street. She had once more forgotten to bring a sweater. Not because of hurrying but by the mere excitement of walking to school early, while enjoying the view on the way of half shut-eyed people ready to start a day anew, smelling the aroma of morning coffee around and just of a shallow fact she needed time to be alone and allow thoughts to dwell in another world. 

6:50.

She glanced at her watch, a bit shocked by her weirdness of waking in such an ungodly hour- for some of course. The sun was slowly revealing its form. Its rays shone on her face, alighting such a beauty that was so exotic, so enigmatic, and so dramatic. A girl likened to a masterpiece by some famous artist she was, alright. Her gaze suddenly fixed on the surroundings around her. This is definitely England at its glory.

In this place she dwelled in happiness and serenity. A perfect getaway from all anxieties and from painful occurrences. She vaguely recalled the day she stepped into its welcoming grounds. Yes, it was 3 years ago. 3 years after….

'No use of recalling memories! I'm on with my life,' she shook her head as if brushing away the sudden thought that tempted to pass her mind. She resolved from the day she entered England, there would be no looking back. Besides, she wasn't known to be Daidouji Tomoyo if she wasn't strong and firm.

But was she?

"In deep thoughts again? I wouldn't be surprised. I see you mostly in that state almost every morning."

The sudden intruding of a voice behind her startled her.

"But what surprises me is that you barely even noticed you are 4 ft away from the school gate."

Tomoyo, learning of her stupidity, faced into the direction of the voice.

"Oh I didn't notice the gate at all! Silly me! Good morning anyway, Eriol." She smiled the first smile she wore that morning. Mondays were a bore to her but not at this point.

"Good morning to you to my sweet Tomoyo," he returned a smile as well, slowly taking strides towards her.

"Mmm… let's see… I beat you again today. It's 4-0. Really Eriol, being very clever and powerful, you were beaten by a mere girl? Now that's a shame!" 

Eriol chuckled. "Having two pesky guardians at home creating a havoc in the house before I go off to school, of course it's hard on my part to leave the house unsecured especially that I fear it may be burnt down later, Tomoyo," he reasoned out rather smartly. "And wait… didn't I officially ended that I-am-the-first-to-reach-school contest just yesterday? I hate seeing you walk alone without a handsome guy like me beside you in a cold, lonely morning."

She gave Eriol one of her outsmarted-once-more-by-the-most-powerful-magician-yeah-right look. And suddenly answered back.

"I don't need a handsome guy stride along with me to school. I'm not a child anyway."

"But what's the use of being best friends if we don't even go to school together?"

Best friends. Oh yeah! Very close indeed. Ever since Tomoyo decided to settle for England and way back when they were still 5th graders in Tomoeda, they were inseparable. He was the one whom she cried on to the first weeks she was t\in England. She was his only friend and who sang lullabies for him. He was there every night to whisper by the window goodnight and check if she was alright. She studies with him together though he knew everything and needed not to study. He sometimes is beside her as she sleeps if there was something bothering her, no malice to that. She cares a lot for him. He cares a lot for her as well. 

Yet their extreme closeness brought about suspicions on their so-called friendship. On the eyes of others, there were more than friends. To simplify it, they mistaken them as a couple. How couldn't they? The two are always sighted to be together wherever they may be. They are neighbors too. It was a coincidence however that the house Sonomi Daidouji gave to her daughter for her to stay as she retreated to England was just beside her daughter's best friend. May it also be fate that their bedroom windows were facing each other, making it so easy to talk rather than calling each other up in the phone, which they also do sometimes. It was more convenient to face the one you're talking to however, than staring at something as you talk. To add to that too, Tomoyo's terrace had a small ropelike ladder made especially for Eriol so whenever they hated just talking by the window, he'd climb up to her room and talk, study or sing with her there as he played the piano that adorned her room. 

Anyway, they didn't seem to be bothered by the talks and impressions people were giving them. They aren't doing anything wrong. After all, they perfectly know that they are **_JUST_ **best friends.

He took her hands into his. Eyes were fixed on the school as they walked in hand-by-hand, aware of the attention they were getting.

"Seems that I see eyes fixed on my beautiful best friend again. Too bad I'm one lucky guy to hold her hand right now."

He said chuckling a bit.

Tomoyo withdrew her hand from his gentle grasp, slightly and jokingly slapped him on the arm.

"Now you're not holding on to me right now. Besides, what are those squeals I hear on the corner?" Her eyes turned towards the right having a mocking smile on her face then turned back to Eriol who also turned to the right.

"Let's just say that we love being the center of attraction." He winked holding her hand once again sending disappointed looks and sighs to those who were staring in awe at the two.

Who would not notice Tomoyo Daidouji? She has the most innocent yet beautiful face adorned by amethyst eyes that kept sparkling in beauty. Not to mention she had the curves of a supermodel and the hair of a goddess. And she aint a dumbelle, she was on the top of her class. To describe her in one word, she was breathtaking.

Who would not notice Eriol Hiiragizawa? He had the features of an all-knowing, handsome god making him a heartthrob. He was a famous pianist and not to mention he was also on the top. With hair in a dark shade of blue and a pale face, which adorned his over-all features, it's no doubt he'd not be chased around by flirty girls. But he had no eye on any other girl but Tomoyo… as a friend of course.

"Mmm… let's see how many guys have you dated," he snapped counting his fingers.

"Shut up Eriol! You perfectly know that those things don't interest me a bit." 

He chuckled. "And how about those afternoon walks with guys and ice cream parlor treats leaving me behind, eh? Don't you consider those as dates?"

"Whatever! Those are just simple acts of acquaintances. Besides I don't want to have a boyfriend at the moment. It'll make you die in envy" she joked sarcastically.

"Oh yeah…in envy alright. No man. I mean no man must make you cry or they'll taste my wrath!"

She smiled inwardly to herself. Eriol was always sweet. I ever wonder how lucky I am to be his girl. No wait. HIS girl? Did I just say that? I mean as HIS girl best friend of course…. Yeah…. That's the correct term, Tomoyo, his girl best friend.

"Are you okay Tomoyo?"

She snapped back from her thoughts.

"Yeah, well I must be going or I'll be late."

"At this point? We still have 5 minutes. C'mon, I hate being stucked with those monsters in class".

"They aren't monsters Eriol." She giggled. "You were even delighted by the attention you're getting from those girls that I even have to pull you out of cloud 9, remember?"

He gave her one of his puppy eyes look sending his two blue eyes in a pleading sentiment.

"C'mon Tomoyo, you hate to see your prince charming being devoured by those beauty-beasts right?" he took her two hands to his squeezing it as a part of his pleading.

"I'd love to Eriol, in fact, I have to deal with my own batch as well", she pushed him gently away. 

"Now, if you'd excuse me Mr. Hiiragizawa, I'll have class in 3 minutes and so do you." She turned to open the door.

"It's Eriol sweety!" he shouted while rushing towards his classroom making Tomoyo giggle inside herself while she settled for her chair. Unaware of the everyday stares she was getting and the things that may depress her day in a little while, she allowed herself to dream away.

**AN:         **So how'd that go? I'll have to upload the next chapter later. Please Review. Those who won't will be struck by a lightning and would have bad luck forever! Mwahahahaha! Nah! It's a joke. Just review pleaseeeeee???????


	2. The New Girl

Can't Afford To Lose You… 

By L. Hiiragizawa

**Disclaimer:**           I do not own CCS nor its characters nor any of which you may find copyrighted in this ficcie… if there's any. Just judge it yourselves, I may not be pretty aware. I am ONLY human. I make mistakes of course. Don't sue. I'm still young. (Okay, I'm exaggerating already… time to shut up). And if I have the same title of fic as yours… I'm sorry I didn't know.

**AN:**                         Wee! Second chapter up… I repeat, I am only human so if you think I have mistakes in this ficcie, please don't let your head boil… it's up to ya if you'd like to have a heart attack. And please… don't blame my ficcie if you'd have! Hehe. 

The New Girl 

She stared out the window beside her. Searching for something to dream about… letting her thoughts wonder into the gates of nirvana. 

Seeking…

Wanting…

Allowing memories to recollect…

Allowing the pain come back…

Wait. 

This isn't Nirvana…it's hell!

She brushed it off and continued to dream on, not stopping what might hurt her…

Flashback-------- 

_"Let's go to my house Sakura-chan and bake some cookies! I'm sure it'd cheer you up!"_

_Tomoyo grabbed Sakura's hand like a little girl and noticed a ring on her finger as she tugged it. It was a gold ring with pink gems forming petals of a cherry blossom with a heart-shaped diamond gem on its center. It was a beauty indeed and Tomoyo, who had a vague hint of how it came upon Sakura's fingers, felt her heart wanting to melt. Yet she, the bearer of different masks, put on one and turned to face Sakura who was a bit confused by her best friend's stare on her finger for quite a long time._

_"Oh Sakura! What a beauty that ring is indeed! Where'd ya buy it? Or did Touya-kun give it? Nice choice indeed."_

_She said brushing off the earlier thought she had in mind a while ago. Sakura may probably have another answer. She must not be wrong. 'Yeah Tomoyo! Sakura has definitely another reason,' she assured herself although she feels her heart beating fast. 'It's not from Syaoran-kun…. No! Not from Syaoran-kun. It's a present from Touya or from Fujitaka-sama. No! She bought it… It could never be from Syao—'_

_"It's from Syaoran-kun."_

_Tomoyo felt her face wanting to fall. She felt like crying. _

_Yelling._

_Wanting to wail in pain._

_It was stabbing her heart gently._

_"He proposed to me."_

_"A-a-and you accepted it? I-i mean. T-that's so kawaii Sakura-chan, I-i would love to see you and---"_

_She felt a tear uncontrollably fall down her face._

_'No Tomoyo! You are strong. You knew it'll come. You perfectly know she's not yours. You are only her best friend. Nothing more. She doesn't mean anything to you. She'd leave you… she'd---'_

_"And I'll be moving to Hongkong." Sakura's voice was precise and straight to the point. So fierce that it was like an arrow that shot deeply into Tomoyo's heart._

_"Y-you're moving?"_

_Another tear fell from her welled up eyes. All wanted to fall but she restrained her eyes from doing so._

_"Yes. Are you okay Tomoyo-chan?" Sakura asked in deep worry and sympathy._

_"Y-you'll be leaving soon?"_

_"Are you OKAY Tomoyo?" She advanced forward, repeating the exact same words._

_"Y—you are leaving me? H-how about s-school? Your father? Y-your life?"_

_This time, she felt all her tears stream down one by one._

_"M-m-me." Tomoyo's voice cracked._

_"Are you okay Tomoyo?" She advanced some more, now hugging her best friend. She felt her shaking._

_"I'm sorry. I know it'd hurt you a lot. But I'll send letters… postcards…. I'd visit often." She reasoned out trying to comfort Tomoyo who was feeling numb and cold._

_Tomoyo regained her strength and pushed her away, wiping her tears with the back of her hand._

_"Letters and postcards will mean nothing. Your visiting will not ease my pain. You will be still away from the me. You don't care!"_

_"But I care Tomoyo! I love you! You are my best friend. We grew up together and I really really care." Sakura was now crying just the same._

_"Yes! I am only you're best friend right? That's why I'm not important… That's why I make no sense…. I am not wanted. People leave me just the same…"_

_Sakura rushed to hug her tight. _

_"I'll miss you Tomoyo. And no matter what happens you are the most important person in my life."_

_Tomoyo hugged her back really tight as if not wanting to release her. She sobbed harder in her embrace._

_"I'll miss you too."_

_Tomoyo cried some more. This will be the last time she'll see Sakura. She would be alone again. Yes. She is alone._

"Daidouji!"

_'I am destined to be alone…'_

**_End of flashback---------_**

****

"Daidouji!"

Tomoyo snapped back to reality sensing somebody calling out her name.

"The top student daydreaming by the start of class. Are you sure Ms. Daidouji that you are indeed fully awake?"

The whole class giggled. She stood up before the teacher, face slightly pink and bowed.

"Sorry Ma'am". She took her seat once more.

"Very well then." She gestured the class to keep silent.

"Today, I am pleased to announce that a new classmate will be joining you. She came from the United States yet she, like Ms. Daidouji here, is of Japanese Origin."

She gestured for the girl to walk in and as soon she faced the class, whispers were hushing around and boys' mouths were dropping open.

Tomoyo noticed she had long light blue hair and blood red eyes. She was indeed Asian and very pretty too. Her gaze turned towards her boy classmates who were completely dumbfounded and drooling over the new girl.

"My name is Anya Makoto and I am pleased to meet you."

She wasn't of Japanese accent. Perfectly American. Tomoyo on the other hand had adopted to the British accent since she was staying there for about three years. She clearly remembered the way she struggled with her Japanese accent and how Eriol taught her to speak the British way.

"Ms. Makoto, please seat next to Ms. Daidouji." The teacher pointed towards the seat beside Tomoyo that was unoccupied. As Anya took her seat she turned to Tomoyo and smiled at her. Tomoyo took it warmly and smiled back. The teacher was proceeding with the lesson so Tomoyo decided to jot her supposed friendly welcome to her through a note. It would be very unwise to talk since the teacher might embarrass her again.

_Anya,_

_Pleased to meet you. My name is Tomoyo Daidouji. I, too, came from Japan like you. Please call me Tomoyo. If you need company, I am always free to accompany you. _

_Friends?_

_Tomoyo_

She passed her the note smiling. Anya, who at first was shocked by her gesture, smiled again… a rather pleased smile. She jotted down her reply and passed it to Tomoyo.

_Tomoyo,_

_I am glad you wanted to be my friend. I thought all along I'd be very lonely and friendless here but I was wrong. You are very sweet. Arigatou!_

_Yeah, friends! _

_Anya._

Tomoyo folded the paper neatly and placed it on her pocket She will be placing it on her so-called memory box. She hadn't opened it for a while since she came from Tomoeda. It wasn't worth reopening memories. But now, she had a perfect reason to open it 

'Anya, you've got a friend right now. Life would now start for you.' Anya happily thought turning her gaze to the teacher who was discussing a lesson.

'Looks like you've got a new friend once agaon, Tomoyo.' she smiled inwardly while turning her gaze to the teacher listening patiently.

'Life is fair after all'.

****

****


	3. Jealousy?

Can't Afford To Lose You… 

By L. Hiiragizawa

**Disclaimer:**           I do not own CCS nor its characters nor any of which you may find copyrighted in this ficcie (I mean, those I failed to mention...Gomen) … if there's any. Just judge it yourselves, I may not be pretty aware. I am ONLY human. I make mistakes of course. Don't sue. I'm still young. (Okay, I'm exaggerating already… time to shut up). And if I have the same title of fic as yours… I'm sorry I didn't know.

**AN:**                         Arigatou for all the reviews!!! To those who think Anya and Eriol MUST not be together… just wait and see… ^_^ Anyway, **Hayden**, I know who you ARE and damn! Don't ever use his name… He is mine! 

Jealousy? 

                Lunch Break. She sat down below the only cherry blossom tree in the school. She loved cherry blossoms. Not because of Sakura but because the simple joy of watching its petals dance down towards the ground, made the aura of the whole place quiet, serene and very inviting. 

This was her sanctuary. Hers and Eriol's. Here they meet up during breaks and even when they are going home together. Here, she spends her time thinking about things and brushing off all worries. Here she whispered into the air the very deep thoughts that enter her mind.

If there was one weakness Tomoyo couldn't resist, it was the inability to hold on to reality. She always sinks into daydreams. People sometimes find her odd because of that—a complete mystery awaiting to unravel. Ever since she was in Tomoeda, she was also such an enigma No wonder she and Eriol get along together. He too had secrets of his own… Tomoyo knew of that of course.

'He's late!'

She glanced at the watch that was hugging her wrist. But she wasn't mad or impatient. She was very used being alone, sitting under a tree, during the first few minutes of lunch break, waiting for Eriol to come down to meet her from the library. How couldn't she know? She knew his schedule and he knew hers as well. She glanced back at her wristwatch.

It was a beauty.

It was a treasure.

It was a silver watch with gems surrounding at the center.

It perfectly suited her. 

Amethyst.

Just like her eyes…

Flashback---- 

****

7:10 am. The clock read.

It was the dawn of a new year for her. Yet she still had two of her eyes half-shut.

The suns rays were slowly creeping onto her bed, teasing her to awake. It tickled her face making her groan sleepily. She hated mornings.

She even hated waking up.

She wanted to sink more deep down the blankets of her soft bed.

But not today… 

A smile crept to the corners of her mouth. Eyes still shut.

"Happy Birthday," someone whispered to her ear. Her eyes flapped open. A male figure came to view.

"Wher-how-when-what the hell are you doing in my room Eriol???" she asked surprised as she stood, rubbing her eyes to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

"Surprised?"

"Damn Eriol! More than surprised… you scared me!" in a semi-raised voice.

He pouted.

"What's a ladder on your balcony when I can't climb up freely? You told me to climb up whenever I want to. Besides, I was just wondering if I could greet you a happy birthday and now I had done it, I think you hated my surprise. Oh well, if you hate my company, I might as well leave." In a sad, kind of mocking voice, he turned his back, about to make an exit through the balcony. Tomoyo grabbed his wrist, making him face her.

"But you didn't inform me! But stay with me Eriol; I didn't mean to raise my voice. I love your company. Don't leave me."

There she went again with her puppy eyes. She knew Eriol couldn't resist her. Eriol then, had his innocent mocking smile on his face.

"You think I'd leave you without getting paid for what you just did?" he advanced towards her. Two hands getting ready for attack. He wiggled his fingers mockingly as she moved away; fell into the bed sitting down, desperate for escape.

"Oh no you don't Hiiragizawa---"

"Yes I would Daidouji."

He tickled her mercilessly as Tomoyo rolled on the bed.

"S-stop Eriol-ahaha-I com-ahaha-mand you."

"No one commands the great Eriol." He continued tickling her, amused by Tomoyo's laughter.

"I surrender. Y-you-haha-win!" she shouted though she never meant to say it, she wanted him to stop.

As soon as he stopped and she got up fixing her hair, she noticed Eriol kneeling with a purple box in hand.

"Would you get up in---oh Eriol it's beautiful."

Eyes sparkling and statement cut, she stared at the present her gave her. It was a watch with their names engraved at the back. Its beauty indescribable.

"Anything for my dear princess." He smiled.

"But you wouldn't have given this, judging by its worth, it---"

A finger silenced her mouth.

"I'd give anything to make my best friend happy… anything Tomoyo… now promise me you'd wear this to remind you I'm always here okay?"

"Promise."

**_End of flashback------_**

****

"Tomoyo?"

"Tomoyo!"

She jumped from where she sat, startled, seeing Anya before her.

"I had no companion and I saw you alone sitting here so I came to ask if it was okay to join you?"

"Why yeah. I'd love to. Besides I'm alone. I'm waiting for someone; you know…" she offered her to sit beside her.

"What exactly? A he or she?" Anya asked.

"A he."

"That's so kawaii! You're boyfriend?"

Just when Tomoyo was to mouth her answer, a panting Eriol came before them.

"I'm sorry… *****pant*… library business *pant* Tomoyo I…" he was suddenly interrupted as his gaze turned to Anya. He noticed she was one pretty chick. He even wondered how come she was with Tomoyo. He suddenly felt like flushing without any reason, his heart thumped faster. It was weird. As a powerful sorcerer, it was indeed very weird. He felt his feet move towards her. Drawn onto her. He knelt down in front of her. Just staring, both flushed.

Tomoyo on the other hand was surprised by Eriol's sudden action. She felt herself glare at the two who was staring very dumbly at each other. Her heart had some burden she could hardly explain. She wanted badly to shout… her other self wanted to. But she took it rather calmly.

"Ahem." The two came back to reality. 

Tomoyo faked a smile. And started. The silence between them was deafening her. She couldn't stand the hush of the wind. At this moment, it wasn't music to her ears.

"Eriol, this is Anya Makoto. She transferred to our class from the U.S." she turned to Anya who in her opinion, though not so sure, was flushing like a berry.

"Anya, this is Eriol Hiiragizawa…"

"---Your boyfriend" Anya continued. 

Tomoyo wasn't sure if that was a statement or a question. When she was about to answer back, she found Eriol taking Anya's hand.

"No dear. She is _just_ my best friend."

Tomoyo felt like swallowing a rock as Eriol stated the word **_just_**. Yes, they were best friends but….

"Yes… yes… Anya… aren't you the girl who is the sudden heartthrob? Why of course! The boys in our class were crazy talking about you. Too bad I met her first." He kissed the back of her hand; her face was now tomato red. The sudden shifting of shade was in an instant, noticed by Tomoyo, who was now feeling like swallowing cement. 

Anya released her hand from Eriol's grasp and turned to Tomoyo. She still retained the flushness of her cheeks.

"Gomen but I have to go now. My class is starting in ten minutes."

"So soon? But we just talked. And you're Japanese?"

"Hai." She turned to Eriol then to Tomoyo who was expressionless and wasn't uttering a single word. "If you'd excuse me Tomoyo, Mr. Hiiragizawa, I really have to leave." 

"It's Eriol sweety. Call me Eriol." He flashed one of his rarest smiles.

'Sweety? She called **HER **sweety? That's not nice… they just met!' Tomoyo was very sure that that smile was the smile only reserved for her. How dare he use it? Her face was heating up unexplainably because of what reason? Hell she doesn't know!

"Goodbye Eriol. It was nice meeting you." She smiled, got up and ran.

"She's weird." Eriol muttered, eyes still fixed on the direction she scrammed to.

'I give UP!' she stood up taking long strides angrily. She was fuming already. 

"How come you didn't tell me she was your---Hey Tomoyo! Wait up!"

He got up and kept up to Tomoyo.

"How come you didn't tell me you knew her?"

"What's the point?"

"Nothing. But she's pretty huh."

"No."

"Yes she is." He argued.

"Whatever!"

"Why did you become cold so sudden? Have I done something wrong?"

"No." Tomoyo was feeling stupid now answering him in monosyllables.

"Why won't you tell me what's wrong that I may be done and go back to class?" his voice was a bit higher.

"Then scram! I can go to class by myself without you nosing around anyway." She sarcastically replied.

"Fine!" he finished.

"Fine!" she said not looking back at Eriol who was feeling weird about Tomoyo today. He knew something was wrong about his best friend and he had a hint of why she was so irritated. But it was still a hint so he brushed it aside. He was sorry though he had left her going to class alone and raising his voice at her. He suddenly remembered how fragile she was.

Tomoyo slowed down as she sensed that Eriol took the other way around. Feelings still unexplainable, she sorted out for answers to fill up her questioning self.

'Maybe I was not just used to Eriol kissing other girls' hand.

Maybe I was just mad because he was late.

Maybe I was just not used at him staring over a lass.

Maybe because I felt stupid while they were conversing.

Maybe…

Yes Tomoyo! You are nuts! That's the answer!

Insane!

Weird!

Crazy!

You are **JUST** a mere best friend! Yeah… **JUST**.

No…Maybe I just simply hated that he didn't give me much importance… 

Could it be…

I

Am…

**Jealous?**

**AN: **There. Finished that chapter… hope ya like it… I'm working on the next. Please be patient…and REVIEW DAMMIT!

Yeah! Do that! Review! REVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I summon thy hand to click on the mouse and type! Review! Review People! I'll not continue this! Hah! Okay… I'm becoming b!tchy… Thanks for all those who reviewed, if you would see my profile, I am still new at this. This is my very first ficcie but I am no amateur… mwahahaha. Ja ne!


	4. Our Song...

Can't Afford To Lose You… 

By L. Hiiragizawa

**Disclaimer:**           I do not own CCS and the song "Valentine" by Jim Brickman and Martina McBride nor the CCS characters nor any of which you may find copyrighted in this ficcie (I mean, those I failed to mention...Gomen) … if there's any. Just judge it yourselves, I may not be pretty aware. I am ONLY human. I make mistakes of course. Don't sue. I'm still young. (Okay, I'm exaggerating already… time to shut up). And if I have the same title of fic as yours… I'm sorry I didn't know.

**AN:**                         Arigatou for all the reviews again!!! I had loads of schoolwork so please be patient. Very Patient. I hate seeing flying daggers on my direction. And **Hayden**, for once… tigilan mo na and crushes ko ha? He's mine anyway! And when I mean crushes, kasama c Legolas, Eriol and Hayden! To all my friends who are reading this right now… I command you to review or I'll be plotting your murder a bit soon. Jokey! 

                Tomoyo stared blankly at the girl before her. It was an exact replica of hers. Brushing her dark purple hair, she carefully studied the odd girl who since a while ago had been following every move she was doing. Clad in her nightgown, feeling the soft and cold wind blow through her open balcony, her vision focused on the stars above. Each had a faint glow to show. 

None stood out. They were all looking sad and lonely; each hummed a melancholic tone that filled the whole dark sky. The moon wasn't up either. And for Tomoyo, it was strange that she felt the sadness of the heavens.

 It was odd that she hummed to the tune of the faint stars. 

It was strange feeling empty.

But is she?

She continued to brush her long, soft hair that to anybody's opinion would be falling down one by one if she wouldn't stop her everyday call of vanity. It had been a habit for her anyway. Her mother's voice always echoed in her ears to always act like a girl, look like a girl and be ladylike. And that includes being tidy at all times—even when before you fall into a deep slumber. 

She finally, after reaching a hundred strokes, neatly placed her brush down and continued to stupidly stare at herself.

She was beautiful. She noticed it right away. No wonder groups of boys stare at her. No wonder she receives a dozen of May-I-ask-you-out letters stuck in her locker everyday. No wonder she receives different kinds of flowers that she had to replace each of the wilted ones that once adorned her vases at home. Somehow, she was sick of being a heartthrob. But now that Anya came, she had a reason to smile.

Smile?

Maybe.

She was kind and sweet anyway but…

A tingling melody had filled up the room, replacing the music-like hushes that the wind had been whispering since a while ago. She didn't pay attention to the familiar tune she was hearing nor the dancing notes that is tickling her ear that very moment. She allowed herself to sink into the music not bothering to find out who had been creating it. Was it a who anyway? 

As soon as she started to sing along, a male voice came to interrupt her.

_If there were no words  
No way to speak  
I would still hear you…_

Tomoyo knew who was singing. She wasn't deaf anyway. He had a nice voice in particular but not to match hers. Everybody knew how better than good she was in that field. But at this still moment, she didn't dare utter a tone.

_If there were no tears  
No way to feel inside  
I'd still feel for you_…

A little sad and emotional. The beauty of the piano came to life as he gently weaved its keys like magic. Yes. That is the correct term to use. It was like magic ringing in the ears. Tomoyo smiled and thought that it may be his way of asking for forgiveness for… 

Wait. Something's wrong. She should be the one to ask for forgiveness. Not him! Her face returned to a frown.

She felt her heart break. Indeed Eriol had been kind to her. Indeed he had cared. She felt herself being pitied upon. She felt sorry for not making the first move. 

But now Eriol's here, she smiled at the thought, it didn't matter. She stood up and walked at the boy who in turn looked at her in a smile as if telling it was her turn to weave magic to the tune.

_And even if the sun refused to shine  
Even if romance ran out of rhyme_…

Tomoyo sang with her heart as if pleading for forgiveness. She sat beside him returning his gaze, while raising a hand to touch his shoulder gently.

_…You would still have my heart until the end of time  
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine._

He felt happy as Tomoyo sang the last part. He felt comfortable now that he knows Tomoyo accepted his apologies. If she only knew how he felt about…

_ All of my life  
I have been waiting for  
All you give to me_

He brushed his thoughts aside trying to concentrate on the keys he was playing. He doesn't want to make a slip now that his lovely Tomoyo was singing for him. She always sang him lullabies. And how soulful every moment was! Every time her voice reaches his heart's depth, he always tried not to fall into sleep's teases. He tried in every moment to study her voice… how come it made him want to close his eyes in content. How come it was so angelic, so sad?

_You've opened my eyes  
And shown me how to love unselfishly_

_I've dreamed of this a thousand times before  
But in my dreams I couldn't love you more_

**…In my dreams I couldn't love you more…** She thought of how it meant. Songs always have its meaning and songs tries to say a heart's desire, she knows that of course. But to Tomoyo, still not figuring out why she acted so cold to Eriol a while ago, the lines of the song seemed a mystery. Sure, it was her favorite song though it wasn't Valentines Day at all, but just on that moment, it had dawned to her that not all songs unfold its meaning right away. Not all songs keep itself open to a singer. Not all feelings want to be shown…

_I will give you my heart  
Until the end of time  
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine..._

He thought of why she acted so strangely a while ago. But it didn't matter anymore. They were okay now and that's what's important. He wouldn't care to ask her why. If only she knew! Damn! I can't hurt her right now! He refrained to break down. He remained his cool. At this moment, the thought of it doesn't count. It was his best friend who is in mind. Though his forte wasn't really on singing, from the piano keys, he returned his gaze to Tomoyo and prepared for the duet.

_And even if the sun refused to shine  
Even if romance ran out of rhyme  
You would still have my heart until the end of time  
'Cause all I need is you, my Valentine  
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine_

He finished his piece still gazing at Tomoyo's purple eyes.

A long pause.

It was deafening.

It hissed into the midnight air.

Silence.

Smiles creeping up to each faces. 

Then laughter.

"You must've seen how you've stared at yourself before I played, Tomoyo! Hahaha-your reflection was nearly melting!" he laughed. 

She stood up, walking towards the balcony; arms crossed and sat down staring above.

"Ha-ha-ha! Very funny! You think I forgave you?" in a sarcastic (yet half joking) voice, she smirked.

He stood up to sit beside her looking above too.

"It's an irony how come you could easily forgive the stars for not shining bright tonight and still stare at them while I don't get an equal treatment."

She faced him smiling mockingly.

"You really can't figure out a joke huh Eriol?"

He too, returned the exact smile she gave him.

"I am the half reincarnation of the great Clow Reed…!" he said raising his finger high as if swishing a wand in hand.

"…How would I not know a joke from something serious?" he gave a funny face making Tomoyo laugh.

"Besides, I knew you could give into my clever scheme. I could easily get you by a song!" he continued.

She smiled rather content. He DID know her very well. Another of her weakness was a song. She easily pours out everything she has on a song. Eriol did know how tickle her pride.

"Umm…Tomoyo?"

"Yes?"

"We've been friends for such a long time, and I know that guys don't interest you a bit." He started, fixing his gaze on a shooting star. Was it a shooting star? He didn't mind. He knew wishes from falling stars don't come true. One must not expect.

"…But I doubt you never loved anyone that interest you. Must I know something you hide?"

His words were simple yet straight. It surprised how he came to ask such a question. She searched for an answer. Did she love anyone THAT serious… true love? Well, Sakura was an exception. She came to realize it was more of a sisterly love. Her mom? Of course she loves her. Syaoran? It was love…yeah. As a brother of course now that he and Sakura are engaged. 

Eriol. She stopped thinking.

What was Eriol?

Tomoyo searched for an answer.

Eriol…

Eriol…

Damn! It was giving her a headache.

She felt…

"Tomoyo?"

"Oh. I loved? As in seriously? No one. I mean, I love Sakura, my mom, Syaoran…there are lots people. My heart isn't for one only you know. You."

She paused.

"…Of course you are my best friend. How could I not include you in my heart, ne? How come you asked that by the way?" she continued.

"Actually, like you. I have many people whom I love. There's Spinel and Nakuru who I suppose are alright in Japan right now. I miss them though but they'll be back. I've got you…only you." He sighed.

"It's odd how come I never learned to love someone else until now."

She was tangled up by what he meant. Tomoyo was naïve when it came to figuring what people meant by their words especially Eriol's. His choice of words was rather… difficult.

"What do you mean by that Eriol?" she asked confused.

Eriol continued to stare at the heavens but suddenly looked towards Tomoyo.

"I-I've got to tell you something…"

Tomoyo found Eriol's cheeks turn a slight pink. 

There was something in his voice she wanted or was dying to know…

"I-I-I---"

She was now very curious. Eriol was stammering. He was about to confess something. She found her inner self smiling without an adequate reason.

"I love---"

**AN:         **Whew! Don't ya all know it took me DAYS to compose this chapter? Damn! Being a writer's hard, ne? Especially when teachers keep bugging you while you daydream in class (whoopsie…) and search for an inspiration. Speaking about schoolwork, why do we need to study electronics? Please enlighten me…I have no plans to be an electrician you know!!!! Ha! Off with that! I am getting way too talkative. I'll update this in a few days. Hate cliffhangers eh? Bear with me, I need a few days to cook up what's next. School's draining me. 

**                What are you waiting for?** **REVIEW! ^_^**

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	5. Look my way

Can't Afford To Lose You… 

By L. Hiiragizawa

**Disclaimer:**           I wouldn't be making a ficcie if CCS was mine. Don't get it? I don't own CCS nor Eriol *sighs*

                               But I do own Eriol's **heart **in a way… now Olive? Jealous? mwahahaha… 

**AN:**                         Gomen for the long wait, I have 5 books to read, exams and lectures on pile but this is way important (Talk about an good student!) and wait… **Before you read… **let me remind you this is an **ExT fic…** and you'd probably guess by now how it would end. Kill me, no fic… gotcha? ^_^

Look my way 

                Eriol wanted to scream so loud that night. He glanced at his window only to see a nearly deserted house before him. It had no lights. No shimmer to see through its pit black darkness. There may be a faint light alighting from the inside yet its glow was too unnoticed. He wasn't even sure if there was in the first place. 

And no. He can't scream. The deafening silence that enveloped his surroundings forbade him to do so. 

It was odd though. Staring at a once alighted house, which all of a sudden had been somewhat like an empty haven. A lonely haven too, perhaps. He wasn't sure which though.

He tried to phone. No answer.

Tried to knock. No answer.

Tried to call out. Not a single utter.

And he was starting to hate it. No wait… hate? Must only be confusion. He never hated such a lovely beauty…ever.

But thoughts were flooding his semi-rushing mind which since a while ago is busy sorting out reasons, answers and even imaginations that made his heart beat in an irregular manner. He wasn't ailing, however. Let's just say, his heart is somewhat speaking out an unknown language to him.

He knew different languages of course. He wasn't wise if he didn't. Dutch, French, Spanish, Cantonese, Japanese, English…and the list goes on and on. But the heart's language? 

Tomoyo never thought of screaming. It was good feeling silent and lonely. She once hated it but felt that only in complete serenity could she reflect on herself. She barely gave time to think. Maybe because she was just drained in schoolwork.

Her house only had a lamp alighted which illuminated the whole room. The curtains were closed and fresh air was knocking on her door but she settled for the coolness the air conditioner was emitting. She didn't dare turned it off for three straight days, not bothered by the large amount her electric bill would be. Her mother was the one who pays for it in the first place. 

After not seeing the sun rise and set before her during her "experimental" isolation from its warm smile, she suddenly fell in love with the happiness the dark was giving her. No, she aint a psycho. The thought of it just dawned to her and the idea was splendid after all. For some, the thought may send freaking sparks through the air but to hers, the term describable was normal.

The aura around her was cold. Not because of the room's freezing temperature, but because she felt like she was being watched by two deep blue pools, which since a while ago had been staring at her bedroom window. It was definitely true and she felt indeed sorry for torturing him… if that's what she would describe as torture.

But oh! He mustn't be maybe in the first place because he was for sure happy she was out of his way eyeing good ole Anya…

Perfect, pretty Anya.

What the hell does she care in the first place? She wasn't Eriol's at all in a romantic sense. 

She fidgeted.

Besides, she had no right to deprive Eriol of what he likes. She wasn't worthy either of depriving Anya, her newfound friend, of the attention and sweet nothings she had been receiving while she was away.

She smirked.

All along he didn't knew she was spying them those three days. Boy was she hurt!

She saw Eriol treat her inside the ice cream parlor they usually go to.

She saw Eriol walk her home and smile triumphantly.

She saw Anya blush each time Eriol smiles at her.

She saw Eriol hold her hand just today.

She saw Anya kinda fascinated by all these.

She saw Eriol contented and at ease.

She saw that they have been so close and attached that they go together almost everywhere.

And those moments they were together made her feel uncared. Unimportant. Not even thought about. 

Tomoyo's tears were begging to fall down but she deprived them of not to spill. 'Not now you morons!'

He sighed sitting back comfortably in his red Victorian chair. 'Damn Tomoyo! What the heck is your problem?'

He removed his glasses and placed the pair on his lap.

If only she knew he was in deep worry. So deep it was drilling his heart to bits. She wasn't like this before. Yeah maybe in a sense, she was mysterious. But he just couldn't figure what she wants to convey. It was just too blurry.

If only she knew he wanted to cry and that he misses her so much. So much that he wanted to break in the house and hug her tight.

He didn't even know if she was in tears or distress.

Three days were just torture… complete and painful torture.

If it were a joke, it wasn't even funny at all. But knowing Tomoyo, this was not something such as a joke.

Flashback----------- 

****

"I-I've got to tell you something…"

He gulped. This was now or never.

"I-I-I…"

Oh god… Oh god…

I love---

"I think I like Anya."

End of flashback----------- 

Was it because of what he told three nights ago? 

Was she affected by his sudden confession?

Is she jealous?****

The coldness of the room dawned once more to her.

Though a comforter was covering her, it wasn't the heat she needs. Butterflies were swarming in her stomach as she struggled underneath the cold. 

She misses Eriol. His wittiness. His charm.

His eyes.

His perfectly shaped face. Which to her, was very uniquely carved by his sweet smile.

His scent.

His hair.

Him. Just him.

Three nights ago proved that indeed Eriol's head over heels for Anya. And with that, her heart began to crack. It was shattering. Her gentle fragile heart, which wasn't given the chance to beat in a true sense.

And those three days at home made her realize so many things.

She finally admitted the fact she was jealous after all. It wasn't even correct to swim in a dry riverbed. She mustn't live in denial forever. She must be awakened.

Her heart was now beating.  

She cannot control the sudden outburst of emotions she was feeling. She broke down.

When now that she felt her heart alive and beating, was when she realized she was in a mistake.

She had fallen to her despair. But in the wrong time.

And the wrong person….

Eriol Hiiragizawa


	6. Realizations

Can't Afford To Lose You… 

By L. Hiiragizawa

**Disclaimer:**           I wouldn't be making a ficcie if CCS was mine. Nuff said.

**AN:**                         Thank you all for the reviews especially **Cathy**. You just spilled my name but lub joo! **Charmaine!!! **Mother Foundress! Thank you…! Miaka hah? Yay! Chappy 6 is here… you don't have to rant **Olive** dearie… nagsasayang ka ng pera mo sa kakaflood ng inbox ko e la naman moi prepaid hehe. And to the one who suggested using **"Crush"** by **Mandy**… sorry.. I gotcha song in mind already and it's way nicer…Promise! Plus… I hate **Mandy** (no offense). Did ya all watch **LOTR**? Seen **Legolas**? Gaaaahhh… he's damn fine! I'm readin' the 1st book, yay to me! 

Realizations 

                If there was one thing Eriol isn't comfortable with every morning is not seeing Tomoyo's bright morning smile. Not seeing how she yawns so gracefully as if sleep forbade her from lolling in its slumber. Not hearing her laughs. Much worse, is not seeing her at all. And it has been the fourth tragic day that no sight of a lady in purple hair is seen. No sight of two shimmering innocent purple eyes staring back so artistically, matching a masterpiece. And he can no longer stand the effects of the I-miss-Tomoyo-so-much Syndrome. It's slowly killing him so bad.

He continued to walk towards the school direction, head looking down. 

Being one of the great sorcerers in magic's palm can't even help him figure out what exactly his best friend was going through. Sure, he may have some hints but Tomoyo was one heck of a girl not to be fooled easily by making her throw her mask off. Sure, he must know this since they've known each other so well. But being locked up in her house and not being able to break in the code of her eyes' message, the result was always "access denied". 

He gently tilted his head forward while figuring out how to get Tomoyo speak up when…

"Long time no see, Eriol"

A smiling angel was right in front of his eyes. He wanted to behold this heavenly creature so much and to stare at it for a long time but his feet proved to be quicker than his mind at the moment.

"Good heavens! I missed you so much Tomoyo!"

He embraced her tightly as if not wanting to release her.

She in turn, wasn't surprised at all. She was expecting it in the first place, after him not seeing her for three days. But what surprises her was the feeling of not wanting him to let go of her. He was so warm to resist. She badly wanted him in the first place. 

"What happened to you? I was very worried."

He still clung to her. Tomoyo, who was suddenly snapped out of cloud 9, realized they were in front of the whole school. She flushed a strawberry red shade, pushing Eriol slightly and turned away her face from him, so as not to make him see her blush.

"I-I was s-sick. The doctor told me n-not to go out for days." She lied yet stammering.

Eriol who wasn't contented of her explanation made her face him, which in turn made Tomoyo's blush in a deeper shade that made it awfully noticeable.

'My! Why do you have to be so cute when you're worried?'

Him, suddenly seeing her a bit flushed, checked her forehead with the back of his palm.

'And why does your touch feel so soft and comforting?' she closed her eyes feeling pleased that he cared for her. She was wrong thinking of him being so insensitive.

'You don't have a fever in the---' she suddenly looked to Tomoyo who was closing her eyes, smiling.

'And your voice… yes… it feels so…'

"Tomoyo? Is there something wrong?"

Tomoyo flapped her eyes open, flushing again at her embarrassment. 

'And your voice… yes… it feels so…'

"N-no I'm perfectly fine Eriol." She twirled around.

"See?"

He chuckled.

"Knowing, you are in perfect shape now, I have no worries. But I have a question to ask."

She stared at his deep blue perplexed eyes.

"How come you didn't answer my calls? Knocks? And your house seemed do creepy. Even your windows were shut closed."

This was the moment she was fearing. She completely forgot to think what to tell him in case these questions come to hearing. She was now racking up her brain for a lie…a reason…

"Umm…Err…"

'Dammit lil brain of mine! Work you idiot! Work!'

"I had a cold right? And I thought that the wind outside was cold and so I locked my house up. I was worried y-you'll know and you'd catch it too. It's contagious y'know. Plus, it's nearing winter… and…"

'Uh-oh that didn't sound believable at all…'

"Oh gosh! Time flies by too soon Eriol! Lookie! We have three minutes left to be in class and two minutes to wait before the bell rings."

She was sweating unnoticeably, cheeks retaining its color.

"…Well… I-I gotta rush now see ya later!"

Before he could even speak. His dear angel flapped her wings in a hurry leaving him standing dumbly in the front gate.

"She's weird."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Whew! That was close."

She sat in her chair putting down her things. She glanced at the watch, which graced her once trembling wrist. It wasn't five minutes before time but ten to be exact. 

'Whoops! Hope he didn't get too suspicious.'

A tap on Tomoyo's shoulder made her jump from her seat slightly. She turned to see Anya beside her. She felt the urge to glare at her deadly or snob her or yell at her for being such a bit…

"Oh hi! It's nice to see you again!"

She fought over her evil side and struggled to be nice. She swore she heard her inner self chant "Strangle her" in an eerie manner. 

"What happened? How come you were absent for days?"

'Strrannnngleeeeeeee herrrrrrrr'

"I got a bad cold."

She heard her inner evil side chant it again.

"That's awful but at least you're here now and well. I had no seatmate when you were away. I felt so lonely."

'Lonely? Duh? Lonely? You were with my guy this whole time! Wait… *gulp* guy? Oops…'

"I'm so sorry. But didn't Eriol keep you company? I'll slap that jerk…"

'Nooooooooooooooooo! Bad Tomoyo!'

"Yes he did. Don't slap him. He had been sweet and caring these few days. To the point he calls me before I sleep. You're friend's one nice guy huh?"

'Calls? **Phone calls**? He CALLS HER?'

Tomoyo was in the verge of being a goodie but her evil side wants to emerge so badly. She was secretly tightening her hidden fist below the table. She noticed Anya in a dreamy state narrating how Eriol was a prince charming to her, which of course sent panicking sparks in her head. She was having a hint of what she was dreading this past few days.

"Anya…"

She gulped. She never wanted to know what she'll be replying to her. And if she confirms this, hell's flames would be slowly embracing her.

"How do you find Eriol?"

Anya felt like blushing at the time Eriol's name was mentioned. His name suddenly sent involuntary shivers down her spine like electricity. She didn't shudder but a smile crept to her face.

"Eriol… he's kind."

"Kind? You've gotta be kidding"

"umm… sweet…"

"Sweet? Since  when?"

"…handsome"

"Gack! That ugly guy? Handsome? You sure you haven't been dreaming awake?"

Tomoyo felt silly bashing Eriol. All that Anya mentioned were indeed true but her other self showed up unknowingly. 

"Tomoyo? Are you definitely alright? I mean… you sound rude."

She went back to her goodie self once more and realized the slightly hurt look on Anya's face. She didn't mean to speak harshly in the first place. Half of her was smiling in content and half was sorry.

"I'm sorry. I guess I have been so sick lately that I tend to become comical. I was just joking! hehe"

Anya giggled.

"Sorry for taking it seriously Tomoyo."

Tomoyo just smiled and gazed towards the front as the teacher came to view. She was indeed a little bit scared on what the outcome of the events may be. She was scared of what Anya actually meant as she describes Eriol dreamily. She was scared of what Anya actually feels for her best friend. The teacher was discussing a new lesson yet she couldn't make herself concentrate because her heart was in a nervous thumping motion.

"Nah! She is just feeling friendly towards Eriol…'

"Nothing more.'

'N-o-t-h-i-n-g m-o…'

A passed note interrupted from her side. She was hesitant at first to flap open the neatly blue paper trying to face front and concentrate on the lesson which was getting a bit complicated as minutes tick by. She wasn't listening, to her dread. She looked down at the note, which was teasing her to open it. Gently and secretly, she unfolded it.

_Tomoyo,_

_. I have no friend to confide this with. I thought of you at the moment and I think it's wise of you to know that you can help me. I know that it was too soon to realize it but may it be destiny that I feel "different" those times I was with him. He was so warm and nice. Actually,  I have been thinking about this for days and it suddenly dawned to me_

She didn't dare continue reading. She was feeling awkwardly. She paused reading not wanting to continue further. Her reserved tears were warning them of what yet to come next.

_…that I like Eriol.._

**AN:         **I have to admit, this was one awful chapter. I hate the way I wrote it but this girl kept on bugging me to death. *Points at Olive* And if you think this chapter was baaaaddd… blame her. She's open for flying daggers and arrows to add. ^_^


	7. Recovery?

Can't Afford To Lose You… 

By L. Hiiragizawa

**Disclaimer:**           What is fanfiction.net for if you cannot borrow characters and write a fanfic? Obviously speaking, I do not own CCS.  

**AN:**                         Let me remind you again… this is an **ExT. **Additional characters were just added to spice up the story. Gotcha? Oh golly. I'm surprised by the number of reviews I have been getting… goodness! In one week?

Anyway, I'm really sorry for this chapter's delay I had to study for a quiz bee and continue reading a book, do lectures, assignments… gaaahh! It's draining it all outta me! But anyway, here's a treat for y'all…

**Recovery?**

                She, whose face was stained with tears, which flowed from her eyes depths for nearly a week, walked down the busy street leading home on a melancholic afternoon. The sun was on its bright red orange shade, its fading glory surrounded by indigo skies, which signaled it to rest its shine. The beauty of the heavens' scenery was breathtaking that it was sure that in somewhere out in the world, a masterpiece is being created. The birds were flocking towards its nest, giving nature their last song for the day. The moon was at its peak of revealing yet she wasn't paying attention to what happiness they bring.

She needed neither happiness nor her surroundings to cheer her up at the moment. 

Though her eyes were pleading for its rest and her heart for lightness on its part, she seemed deaf to all their cries. To her, all that surrounded her was darkness. Hatred and pain was slowly eating up a big part of her heart, which was nearly heavy in its burden of emotions. Emotions so mixed up that one couldn't sort out each in a flash nor a flick of a finger. She couldn't bear each one that was piercing her dear self. Everything in her was confusing. Like a jigsaw puzzle waited to be completed. But she was worse than a jigsaw puzzle. Nobody knew if she would still be repaired and be pieced together…neither do her own self. Each piece was scattered and thrown away. And to her, there was no way out of the hell she called life.

Love.

A profound emotion, which everybody possesses and experience.

Love as some say, is heaven. Some say happiness is through love. And eternality is love. The four-letter word meant everything for some and is sometimes indescribable; something beyond a writer's piece; something one can never explain well till you reach its peak

But why can't she learn to break its code?

Why can't she even pronounce nor spell its difficult letters?

Why does love have to stab you and make you cry?

She had learned to love in many ways and was loved in return. But being the only daughter of one of the world's wealthiest, didn't credit her to be loved in return by someone her heart romantically had rhythm with. 

And what's worse about love is that when the person you love is being arrowed by cupid to another person. If his heart's beat doesn't belong to yours. 

Painful isn't it?

Flashback-------- 

"Hey Tomoyo! Wait up!"

Errol raced as he kept up with Tomoyo who was near the school gate. He squeezed through the crowd of students who were bound to go home. Eyes searching for a lady in a pony tied purple hair.

"What kept you so long? I thought you had gone so I decided to walk alone."

She was pouting.

"Sorry but I had to accompany Anya to the library. She had to get a couple of books for our research."

Her face was nearly falling. 

"Oh, yeah of course you have a girlfriend. Why must I interfere?"

Tomoyo clearly remembered and registered to her mind that Eriol was now Anya's. And what was stupid was she became a bridge for the two lovebirds that were falling for each other and now have gone steady. Yeah… thanks to her. The sympathetic, pathetic her. Ever since Eriol had asked her to help him confess it towards Anya, and learned that Anya too liked her best friend, she had nothing to do but fulfill what was destined to be. She aunt a goddess to change the future's course. And if she hadn't helped in the first place, she perfectly knew Eriol would do everything to get what he wants. 

"You are not interfering sweety. I just want to tell you that you may go ahead without me, I need research with her to do. Must that be okay?"

He gave her a pleading look. But instead of expecting an answer, Tomoyo asked yet another obvious question.

"So you mean I'd walk alone?"

"It's only for now anyway sweety. Okay, here's the deal, I'd take you out as pay and catch up to you…anytime will that be okay now?"

She felt no sense in competing with him. She cannot do anything but nod and say yes. For she knew, this was really going to happen once she started out in matchmaking the two that she now regretted. 

"Deal. Promise that huh?"

A hurt expression was being hid by yet another one of her created masks. If only he knew it all. 

He gave her a peck in the cheek and turned to rush towards the door's entrance after saying his thanks and keeping his promise down his heart. He was feeling sorry but he was now obliged for he has commitment. 

She stared long at the direction he had gone to. She felt like taking back the kind words she had uttered before to herself. She was wrong in the first place…

'Life isn't fair at all'.

End of flashback--------------- 

****

And there she walked with regrets and pain. 

Alone yet not comforted.

Sad and felt unloved.

And Eriol hadn't kept his promise still. She was now finding herself walking alone and looking at her side as flashes of memories started to flood her. She missed Eriol's smiles and their laughter. Their morning and afternoon walks. But what can she do? She was just his best friend and not whom Eriol loves the dearest. She may be precious but not as precious as his girlfriend---newcomer Anya.

Things and time flew too fast. It was just that since Anya came to view and caught Eriol's heart for the first time that no girl had ever done. Not even her. Maybe it was destiny that brought them together and she was no goddess to change future's course. She stands no competition to the lady who owns Eriol's heart. 

There was this saying she kept on reminding herself: Life is like a wheel, at times you're atop but you can go down below as the wheel turns.

And it was indeed true. 

But not for her this time. 

She felt that she was being cheated by the world. Yes she had been atop and happy. But it wasn't so soon that the wheel got tired of her laughs and suddenly turned making a major spin in her life: the wheel maybe really intended her to fall apart. 

It intended to hear her cry once more. 

It liked her being drained in sadness and pain.

It was odd though that after each pain, other people usually feel happy and contented, but she, being the only child of the wealthiest in the world can't even afford to buy a genuine smile.

Ironic isn't it? 

But she had nothing to do. She was no other than Tomoyo.

Poor, unlucky, unloved Daidouji Tomoyo.

Her head was still down and she didn't care to make a straight face nor look in front. For every time her angelic features were shown, people can't bear but notice the path where streaks of tears had passed. And she hated attention.

She just hated….

"I'm so sorry miss! Should've looked on the road…"

Tomoyo, who was startled by a sudden bump, found herself staring at a boy with the same school uniform as her other boy classmates. He was kind of cute though. Black hair that matched his green emerald eyes which reminded her much of Syaoran's. She too, found her books scattered below her and she bent to pick it up but the guy had just finished picking up the last piece and handed down all the books to her.

'Hmmm, a gentleman too.'

"I really apologize for what I've done, miss. I see you also study in my school. I'm Nathan Wood. Called Nate for short but Nathan would also be fine." He smiled so warmly lending her a hand.

"I'm Tomoyo Daidouji." She shook his outstretched hand, which felt so soft in her grasp. Her other hand was struggling to keep the piled books balanced.

"Why yes! The lovely singer Tomoyo Daidouji. How come I haven't recognized you at first? You seem so pretty up close I see. But why aren't you with Hiiragizawa? It's bad leaving his girl alone walking home with a pile of books at hand."

He helped her carry not just one book as what she had expected, but carried all the burden that nearly tore off her delicate weak arms by its burden. As the word "Hiiragizawa" and "his girl" was heard, she slightly jumped and arched her brows. How come many people mistaken them to be romantically linked so many times. If she would've counted this incident, it would be the 245th.

"You mean Eriol? He's with his girlfriend. And I'm not his girl, get it?"

She sighed head turning towards the ground as she wanted to cry but she restrained it and kept firm. She knows perfectly she was a crybaby and her eyes easily fog up and shower tears. How she hated being so sensitive! As if she'd melt every time something sad is encountered or heard. Yes, she was strong in fairness but the strength she's got has already faded and her once strong willed heart had fallen to weakness' grasp, holding it tight as she slowly crushed with it.

Nathan, who was surprised by her sudden raise of voice, tipped her chin up to face him.

"I'm sorry. I should've have mentioned Hiiragizawa. I know you're lonely."

"It's alright. I'd get used. Besides, I enjoyed the loneliness" she faked a smile.

"So, anyway, I am not doing anything but strolling. Could I walk you home? These books are hard to bring you know."

"Well of course. I'd love your company Nathan."

Nathan smiled triumphantly. This was heaven. Staring at one of his school's beautiful lasses. And she wasn't only beautiful but her prettiness was exotically described on her face. She wasn't an ordinary Englander whom he usually gets tired of. England girls are usually the same. But she---was just Asian and different.

Tomoyo on the other hand, felt a smile creep into the corners of her mouth as they walked talking about mostly anything. Books, girls, guys, schoolwork, music… that they found they had something in common. She learned he was a good pianist too but Nathan kept on repeating nothing beats Eriol on that field.

The sudden mention of Eriol's name so many times didn't bother her anymore. She already found someone she could be with if she's lonely. She found yet another friend.

'Wait! Friend? Who said it would only turn out that way?'

Her evil side was revealing itself as every thought entered her mind making her smirk in silence.

'If Eriol thought he was lucky… why can't I be myself?'

Tomoyo felt a part of her release its heaviness and she in a while became calm and carefree.

'Let the games begin.'


	8. Two Can Play The Game

Can't Afford To Lose You… 

By L. Hiiragizawa

**Disclaimer:**           I'm getting tired of repeating this… yeah right… I do not own CCS****

**AN:**                         Chapter 8 is up. ^_^ This fic is nearing its end… *sniff* Maybe a few more chapters to go. So to those getting a lil impatient… please bear… pweashie?

Thanky 'gain to all who reviewed! You are all the best… *sniff*

**Two Can Play The Game**

Music.

Dreadful.

Of all the subjects, this is definitely the most interesting and the most exciting of all. With no terms that much to memorize, or even tests to drain all the juice of even the deepest corners of the human brain, why can't this be the easiest subject of all? Besides, all you have to do is sing, play instruments and participate. No wonder this is the most anticipated period of Tomoyo Daidouji. It had brought her day to completion as her feet steps inside its welcoming blue walls and her hands get hold of the elegant black piano near her seat which highlighted ambiance of the room alighted by the bright rays of the sun peering in from its huge windows.

Music periods especially are plain fun.

But not today.

Not now.

Today will just be worse.

Or will it?

"Good Morning Tomoyo!' Eriol rushed from his seat, which was beside Anya, giving Tomoyo a peck on the right cheek. She instantly felt her heartbeat run from its normal 98 beats per minute to the surprisingly high 190 beats. Her blood was rushing red on her face, accumulating its color on her cheeks but she faced down in a quick speed of her head. 

"Good Morning" 

Came her reply with head still down, pretending to fix her things, which she laid down on the table in just in front of Eriol's. Their seats were actually beside each other for the teacher normally calls the pair to render a song: Eriol on piano, Tomoyo on vocals. They usually get cheered on and praised because of the perfect musical tandem the make. 

One who hears them perform would have sworn they're not just good but better than good or better than the best. But not until Anya came into picture. 

After her emotions' sudden recovery, she turned to face Eriol and give him one of the smiles she rarely wears. But it was suddenly cut off as Anya came to circle her hand around Eriol's arm.

"Looks like we're looking good today"

She greeted with a smile Tomoyo felt obliged to smile back though she really didn't want to see more of the view that greeted her upfront. It wasn't at all that good to start a morning.

"Thank you."

…came her reply. She didn't feel like starting a conversation with her.

"I've noticed you were so happy these past few days…"

Anya snapped as her hand flipped the long strands of her blue hair to the back.

"So, from being grumpy, then sad, and emotional, here you are in a happy mood once again…you really are something..."

"And that makes my best friend a unique lady…"

Tomoyo felt like flushing at Eriol's sudden comment, he could really be sweet at times.

"She may cry like rain but sunshine always finds its way to make her shine out…"

Second comment. How touching.

"And I'm lucky I have two beautiful women by my side…"

Time stopped.

Face nearly falling.

Weak smile.

Bell ringing.

People scampering to their seats.

She sat quietly.

Not looking back.

Happy with regrets…

Hurt.

A voice spoke.

"This year, the school has reached its 30th foundation day. And as part of the celebration, this class I have chosen would organize a concert."

Hushes.

"And not just any concert. Everybody will have parts. Some representatives have already been chosen from other classes to render numbers and in this class, I have chosen Ms. Daidouji to lead the pack and Mr. Hiiragizawa would as usual, play the piano for us."

Everybody was looking to Tomoyo and Eriol, then Eriol to Tomoyo. Tomoyo gave a quick glance at Eriol who was beaming and saying something to Anya she couldn't figure out what because of the outbreak of hushes and squeals of delight as the project was announced.

"But of course, the concert will not be complete without a musical director."

Silence.

A boy who had black hair and green eyes walked in. His hair though a bit messy perfectly fitted his face's other features.

Tomoyo suddenly recognized the figure that emerged from the door onto the front to face the class.

"Meet Mr. Nathan Wood. He'll be the musical director for this year's concert. Now, I'd leave the matter to be discussed between him and the rest of you while I go to the school director to discuss further arrangements."

Girls squealed in the background.

"Now Nathan, I entrust you my class."

She glanced back as she made the exit earning from her dear student an assuring nod.

Girls suddenly flocked him as the teacher came out of view. Some volunteering to be assistants, some giving telephone numbers and some, just plain flirting. It had been quite sometime when he managed to get through, give out assignments and made way for a certain purple haired girl.

"So. We meet again dear lady. And you'll be singing for the concert, right?"

"Yes. To my despair." She sighed, head down. She always wanted to sing but the thought that she would be doing a collaboration with someone whom her heart pleads for brought about fear and anxiety.

"Now! That's not spirit Tomoyo!" Nate tipped her chin up and stared right into her eyes. 

Tomoyo, quite shocked, realized that Eriol was looking from behind. Not sure of his reactions though but she could see from the corner of her eye, pangs of displeasure sketched in his face.

She smiled evilly to herself. 

Perfect timing.

She gave Nate a feathery kiss on the lips sending Eriol to a complete shock.

"W-what was t-that for Tomoyo?" Nate, a bit red, jumped back stammering.

Tomoyo who glanced back unnoticed , saw the odd expression on Eriol's face who was staring at her.

Plan effective. Started Mission.

She smiled to Nate.

"Oh that was nothing! Just a way of saying thanks for being so caring…that's all."

"Oh." He replied, quite amused and a bit confused.

"By the way…" She grabbed Nate's hand and turned to Eriol and Anya who since a while ago was staring at the two.

"Nate, meet Eriol Hiiragizawa. He's my best friend. Eriol, meet Nate, he was my constant companion since we met two days ago. Remember the time you had to go with Anya to research? I bumped into him and he accompanied me home. Aint that so sweet?" She encircled her hand around Nate's arm, hugging it.

Eriol on the other hand was giving Nate a glare that was not really noticeable but of course, Tomoyo noticed it at once, being his best friend and all. She wanted to grin and smirk so badly or even to pat herself at the back.

'Job well done.'

Mission launched.

"And this girl here is Anya, Eriol's partner."

The two gave a quick handshake. Tomoyo really didn't specifically announced the word girlfriend because to her, it'd hurt much.

Nate clapped his hands to signal everyone for attention.

"Now, here's the deal. Tomoyo will sing and Eriol plays. I will direct. Anya will be the head of ticket sales. The rest of whom I appointed for the lights, production and sounds, please meet with your respective committees now and we will start rehearsals after two days. I'll meet the committee heads later at lunch"

Everybody in the room was formed in groups and Eriol and Tomoyo conversed with Nathan. Tomoyo still clung to Nathan which made Eriol feel uneasy and fidgety.

Tomoyo's plan was working perfectly well. 

"We will discuss the song you'll be presenting together and as much as possible I'd like it to be original, will that be clear?"

"Very clear Nate honey.."

'Honey?'

'Did I just hear Tomoyo call him Honey?'

Eriol at the moment was feeling awkward. Heat was radiating in his body. He really doesn't know why he had an urge to pull Tomoyo away from Nate's grasp and instead be beside her. Every motion of the two made his knees feel weak and heart racing. He had a hint of what was he feeling.

Jealousy.

Why?

Him? Jealous of Nathan?

"…right Eriol?" Tomoyo's sweet voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Err…right."

'There dear Eriol…give in…'

"If that's the case then talk it over while I meet with the other committees. If you have questions just approach me. Alright Tomoyo?"

"Aww… going so soon?" She gave him her pair of the puppy eyes look.

'She usually uses that on me…Not HIM!'

Eriol was having a mental battle with himself.

"Sorry Tomoyo but I think it'll be better to leave the two of you behind to discuss the matter. Don't worry, I'll accompany you during lunch after the meeting. I'll walk you home and treat you an ice cream too as an additional treat. Would that be alright?"

'She will not go to lunch with me? But…'

She looked at Eriol's disbelieving expression.

"Sure. Anyway Eriol's with Anya. He won't mind, right?"

'NO!'

"Ummm…Errr…"

"See? He agrees! See you soon!" Tomoyo released her hand from Nate's arm, which earned her a huge smile from him.

"Now let's start…" She turned her chair and was about to sit down when Eriol grabbed her hand.

"Not so fast Tomoyo."

Mission at peak.

"Who said you'd be going with him for lunch? You barely know him for two days and you trust him at once?"

Eriol's voice was a bit high but he tried to keep the volume to be heard only by them so as not to disturb or get attention from everybody else who was now chatting about concert matters.

"Hey! Calm down! Who said I won't be going with whom I like to be with?"

A feeling of content was dancing in her from within.

"Me! We're best friends right? And I don't trust that guy at all Tomoyo…"

"Hmmm… why not? Was it the kiss?" She hissed.

Eriol partly knew it was also because of the kiss. And everything… just everything! He hated the fact Tomoyo was walking home and getting at ease with somebody she bumped and knew for two days.

He hated the fact he misses Tomoyo so much as if she doesn't at all feel the same way…

"Y-yes… I mean No! I just feel something bad about him… something eerie about his character…"

Eriol explained nervously.

"…And that is…"

"That's because…"

'Yes… be jealous Eriol… be VERY jealous…'

"I-I need to go to the next class already… I-It's in three minutes… and we're dismissed… s-so I'll see you tonight… I have a song in mind…"

He gave her a peck in the cheek again before dashing to the door. Tomoyo watched Eriol scram out of the room in record time. A mocking smile had appeared on her face.

'Two can play this game. Not only you could make me jealous Eriol… not only you.'

Mission done.

**AN:         **Ooooohhh Tomoyo's evil… next chapter will be a very nice one… actually; I've only got a few chapters more left… Gomen for the long wait by the way.

Anyway please review if this chapter's okay… I have a feeling it's kinda bad… but anyway… this will end nice…promise… this is an **ExT **if you're wondering. And it's not all the time Tomoyo and Eriol's together, ne? I hate extreme mushiness so to add a twist; I created fictional characters… got the point?

                *Holds out a wand and says a summoning charm*…

**Now reviewwww…………**


	9. The Power Of Karma

Can't Afford To Lose You… 

By L. Hiiragizawa

**Disclaimer:**           I-do-not-own-CCS. -Clamp-does. -How-can-they-ever-be-so-possessive? -Sheesh!

**AN:**                         Here's a chapter I made for ExT fans. I feel a bit guilty not much focusing on the two but really I promise you that the ending would be very kawaii… 

Simple **warning** though. **Don't take things you read on this fic in the literal sense for sometimes…surprises you don't usually expect come along at the end.**

                                **Lady Tomoyo: **Your fics aren't bad. If you just find the light within you and trust in yourself and the movement of your hands, you'll later say and realize… "I am a good writer". Never let yourself down. I, too, am human so our abilities are different. I have my style; you have yours. Feel better?

                                **Syaoran-kun: **Curious lang… you know me ba?

The Power Of Karma 

Papers flew. 

Room was dimly lit.

Searching…

Seeking…

Finding…

"It's gotta be here somewhere!" A desperate voice broke the room's silence.

The stillness of the night was suddenly vanquished by eruptions of crashing books, rummaging of files, pacing of panicking footsteps and sighs of despair. Each unpleasant melody mixed into the night air, which brought about two awakened sleepy figures step into the room, which was indescribably messy. 

"Master Eriol! What the---"

"Yeah, I know Nakuru… I'm just looking for something very important." The desperate master of the two creatures could be described at first sight that moment as a weirdo not being able to realize he'd bring the house crashing down in an hour if he'd continue throwing down the things from his once neat cabinets and shelves.

"Goodness. It's Ten O'clock in the evening Eriol-sama and why are you still up at such an ungodly hour? Considering you are nearly shaking the whole house by your noises. What's that thing you're looking for anyway?"

Spinel said, rubbing the eyes in his false form. It had been three weeks since they last saw each other for Nakuru and Spinel had gone back to Japan to fix things up on the selling of their nearly abandoned properties. And heaven knows how much his life was those three weeks without them. 

No laughter.

No riots.

No Nakuru.

No Spinel.

That was probably the main reason he created them. To bring some meaning into his life, which was once doomed to be alone and dark, being half of the reincarnation of one of the greatest sorcerers that ever lived. Of course… aside from these friends, he had Tomoyo…and oh! Anya…

Tomoyo…

"A paper. A musical piece to be exact. The piece I had created a year ago, remember? It can't be lost now… Tomoyo's probably sick of waiting for me."

The thought of seeing Tomoyo wait for him made him more panicky than usual. 

"Mistress Tomoyo?"

Nakuru asked looking at Spinel with beaming eyes and an unreadable expression. Spinel returned the exact same look, reading his mind from what he wanted to convey. Smiles played on the two's lips.

"Oooh… the song for our near-to-be mistress! Yay! Here, I'll help you search for it."

Nakuru bent down and helped Eriol rummage through his things, not minding what his guardian had earlier commented. But instead of getting the search done easily, he made it worse by throwing his other things around. Spinel, viewing the commotion Nakuru was starting, had a sweat drop on his forehead.

"Will she perform the piece master?" Spinel tried to calm Eriol a bit who like Nakuru, didn't know what he was actually doing. 

"Yes. And I only have three days more left to rehearse with her till the concert date."

"A concert? You and Tomoyo will be in a concert? Together? Kawaiiiiiiiiiii!!!!" 

Nakuru screamed like a grade-schooler.

"I'll watch it Eriol-kun huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?" He tugged his shirt in a pleading manner.

"But where's the piece? No piece…no concert!" Eriol shouted but in a desperate manner. 

Nakuru turned to Spinel who was since a while ago been floating up in the air, his eyes staring dumbly at them while they tire in looking hi and lo for a musical sheet.

"Suppi-chan! Hear that? No piece no concert." 

"…And that is…"

"What an idiot you are Suppi! HELP dammit!"

"It's not Suppi, Nakuru! When will you ever learn? It's Spinel. S-P-I-N-E-L. Say Spinel!"

"I like Suppi better and no objections about it…now will you help or what?"

"What's the "what"?" The cat-like creature with tiny wings on its back grinned.

"Don't force me to kill you…"

"Kill? Kill me then… If you would… will you know where the piece is? I perfectly know where it is!"

He declared mockingly.

"Where Spinel… C'mon I beg you… WHERE?"

Eriol regained his usual self after hysterically searching like stupid, not minding his guardian's arguments. The winged creature pointed at the direction of the piano.

"The piano? It's been a year since I composed that how come it'll be here"

He searched for a piece of paper among the other musical sheets on the piano's portion where the sheets are placed to play.

"Have you tried looking inside the cabinet of the chair you are sitting on?"

After Eriol had learned what Spinel had just commented, he peered inside the compartment of the piano seat. 

Finally after a two hour-long search, he held in his hands his masterpiece. Right as soon he lifted his hand to show them what he was looking for, having a triumphant smile on his face, he bid them goodbye and dashed for exit.

"I'll be back later. Tomoyo and I have a lot of things to rehearse."

The guardians' view stayed put till their master was out of sight. Sleep has finally regained its energy on them and their eyes were becoming droopy.

Eriol came to view once again to their surprise but only for a second to remind them of the things they hated the most to hear from him that night:

"Oh! And fix the room, will ya?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Silence.

He climbed the rope leading to her open balcony. As soon as she stepped into the room, he came upon the smell of lavender and vanilla filling up the air. The scent was so intoxicating that he closed his eyes; memorizing the angelic scent that had been pleasing him since the day he first met her. 

It was definitely Tomoyo.

The air outside was a bit damp and cold but he didn't bother to enter the room still. He was still sniffing the---

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!"

A scream made him jump and flap his eyelids open.

"What are you doing here?"

Tomoyo's voice was shocked and high. She just came from the bathroom only a towel covering her pale body. Eriol at this sight blushed in embarrassment.

"W-we have practice remember?"

"Oh. Sorry for shouting, Eriol. I thought I saw a different person intruding."

He turned his back around. 

"I'm sorry. I just think I'd go.'

She heard a hint of sadness in his voice.

Tomoyo grabbed his arm and tugged him close.

"Please don't leave. I'll practice with you. We have barely three days more to rehearse."

They both turned slightly pink at the thought they were too close. Tomoyo turned her back. She was mentally scolding herself for grabbing him. She didn't intend at all to grab him too close.

Too close that she felt her insides burn and her breathing irregular.

Wait.

The game is still on… will she ever give up?

"Just give me time to change." She went towards the bathroom and got her clothes, freeing her hand from his arm. As soon as she was inside, she pressed her head against the bathroom door and was gasping for air.

How she hated to experience the passionate four-letter word. She didn't even want to think of it…

Spell it.

Utter it out loud.

It was just hard…

So hard…

As soon as she was out of sight, he opened the piano and tested its keys. His mind flew to the thoughts of the day earlier.

Every moment a while ago seemed like hell.

He exactly didn't knew why he grew to dislike Nate, who was just concerned of his best friend.

Maybe he just hated the fact he won't just be the man of Tomoyo's life.

Well, yes, he was in a sense. He was the only man she grew to discover.

And she was the only girl who looked into him.

The scent of lavender and vanilla came close by as he indulged in deep thoughts. He felt his insides shudder and sense of smell wanting to inhale more. He didn't exactly know what the heck was happening to him…it was all but mysterious 

A soft hand on his shoulder made him shiver to reality and was greeted by the studying face of Tomoyo, whose eyes were fixed on the musical sheet that he placed on the piano to play.

"You made that in one day?" She asked, staring at the piano sheet before her which to her own opinion, was flooded by haunting notes that she longed to hear, know and learn.

"No. I composed it last year out of the blue. It had been stuck in my room without me even giving it attention. It just dawned to me to reopen its pages as I learned from Nate that we need an original piece."

"Oh." Came her simple reply.

"What's its name?" She added.

"Dreaming of You."

Dreaming of You…

Its name sent her excitement rise.

She carefully studied the lyrics of the song. It was beautifully written. But the simple joy of reading its lyrics didn't satisfy her to know the song more. And not just a song…

It was something like a parcel waiting to be opened.

A song written by Eriol Hiiragizawa.

"But do you know what it means Tomoyo?" Eriol's eyes were piercing deep. His blue pools made her clutch her hands tightly as he waited for her reply.

"N-no. What does it mean?" She gazed at his deep blue eyes in search for an answer.

"It's about a person who longs to be noticed by the one she loves…"

He broke his intent look and turn towards the direction of the balcony. Eyes wandering off into the dark sky, which was wrapped in stars. The glimmering gems summoned him to fix his eyes for a while at them.

It struck her.

"…But she /he wasn't at all noticed." His voice trailed off as the wind blew into the room sending the curtains of her balcony sliding door dance with its rhythm.

Her heart was beginning to melt. She should be strong. She started the game and felt Eriol losing to her victory. But she realized she can't forever be the victor. She was feeling the essence of losing against his innocent stand to fight.

This must not be happening.

The power of karma.

The pull of its revenging fangs.

"Do not do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you…"

"Why did you write such a thing Eriol?" She jokingly asked, mixing the statement with a soft giggle, as to brush out the sudden shift of emotions that was clearly unfolding to her despair.

"Because…"

She stared at him for an answer.

He deeply thought for a reply to her intriguing question.

Why?

"Never mind. Let's just start rehearsing." Shying away from her sight.

As soon as Eriol touched the keys and played the intro, she was curious of knowing how come such an odd song came to his mind. He was hiding the answer.

Or was he?

"Could I start for you that you may pick up the melody. It's just an easy song. Anyway you're professional at this. Pardon me anyway for my voice. It isn't as good as yours."

"Yes please."

He played masterfully till he reached the note before the first line.

Late at night when all the world is sleeping  
I stay up and think of you  
And I wish on a star  
that somewhere you are thinking of me too

She felt every note and every word of it. She stared how beautifully Eriol played the piano and how he sang so angelically. She at once saw a shooting star come across the sky. How she wished she had reached it that she may have wished even once. Her thoughts were then pulled towards his singing voice.

No wonder he could catch every woman's heart…

No wonder he had caught hers…

Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight  
Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight  
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be  
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me

Still, he didn't know the reason why he has wrote such a song. It was one of his best, he'd admit but he just couldn't figure why of all song themes, this he wrote and composed.

It was just a lonely, sad night.

The night he felt an angel whisper certain words on his spinning head.

As he played the instrumental, he signaled Tomoyo to be the next to sing.

Tomoyo got the signal and caught up the song easily. For it wasn't rocket science to her. As if she knew the song so well…

As if she was destined to be the one to breath life into its lonely urge to be sung.

Wonder if you ever see me and   
I wonder if you know I'm there  
If you looked in my eyes  
Would you see what's inside would you even care

She sang it so beautifully. Her voice suited his composition just as well. He drowned in the tones her voice was weaving. The song had turned realistic.

Tomoyo felt every line pierce fiercely into her veins and her heart.

'Would you see what's inside of my heart Eriol? Would you care?'

 The song seemed so real… so hurting.

_I just wanna hold you close but so far  
All I have are dreams of you  
So I wait for the day (wait for the day)   
And the courage to say  
How much I love you (yes I do)_

He saw her deliver it so realistic…

So soulful.

As if she had experienced it.

Did she ever dreamt of anyone?

Who was she singing for?

Nathan?

_I'll be dreaming of you tonight  
Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight  
And there's nowhere in the world that I'd rather be  
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me_

She wanted to cry at the song's sentiments. She had hoped that being with Eriol right now wasn't only a dream. She had dreamt and wished upon so many stars that he'd notice her somehow but he seemed so naïve to her. 

So passive.

She hoped she knew how Eriol loves a girl…

A sudden and faint brush of jealousy.

…How it feels like to be Anya.

_Ahh ahh  
I can't stop dreaming of you  
I can't stop dreaming  
I can't stop dreaming of you_

Eriol joined her in singing that part to her surprise.

She felt his gaze turn to hers.

Hands on piano keys.

Eyes on hers.

_Late at night when all the world is sleeping  
I stay up and think of you  
And I still can't believe  
That you came up to me and said I love you…_

No.

Karma.

Its fangs had struck her so bad.

Its poison was slowly creeping into her mind.

She, who felt was the predator, was no longer what she wanted things to be.

Her plan and mission failed.

Backfired.

Fell into the hands of karma.

Into the arms of the hunter.

Stabbed by her own attack.

She was the prey.

Drowning at his gaze…

Tears slowly fell from her eyes.

Silently but in pain.

She couldn't restrain it now.

He sang the left-out line. As his head slowly came up near hers, bending down, still continuing the rest of his song as he moved near her tear-stained face.

_…I love you too…_

He kissed her.

**AN:         **Yay! A kawaii chapter! I feel fulfilled. This isn't a bad chappie for me… By the way, the song used in this 

Ficcie is "Dreaming of You" by Selena. Bless her soul. I used it cause I think It'd be appropriate. I just made it show that Eriol was the one who composed it that the fic will become somewhat "alive". Anyway… please review and tell me how it was… ^_^


	10. Bitter Tears

Can't Afford To Lose You… 

By L. Hiiragizawa

**Disclaimer:**           I do not own CCS. *Damn disclaimers* don't worry I won't eat it anyway…****

**AN:**                         Thank you for all those who reviewed. Especially the one who e-mailed me. Answers to your longing questions shall be in the next chapters to come. This fic is going to end by the way. *Sigh*

**Syaoran-kun:        **Nah! Nagtatanong lang ako! Hehe.

To those wondering where Eriol kissed Tomoyo, it's on the lips dammit! Hehe. 

Again, sorry for the looooong wait. I had this clearance to rush for (it's a paper you make the teachers sign) and lotz of schoolwork… when I say lots; imagine yourself not being able to sleep early at all…

Here's Chapter 10 anyway!!! ^_^

And the meaning of Karma… it's a word that means when you do something bad, it bounces back to you…

**Bitter Tears**

Eyes blinked as the sun rays tiptoed silently into a room of doubts, questions and unanswered enigmas. A figure lay down deeper into the comforting softness of the bed's blue warm comforter. Though the sun has risen so brightly, the coldness of the atmosphere lingered still, making mists covering its windows. The boy's two blue orbs, which adorned his visibly exhausted face, were weary and tired. He was turning on his sides left and right, struggling for sleep probably

Or was it because of last night's incident?

Mind paused.

A shiver.

One thing was for sure: he didn't want to get up till he realizes if whether it was dream or a slap from reality. If it was a dream, it was probably a gift from the sandman. 

A nasty, naughty gift, so to say.

Or in other simpler words: a nightmare.

He shook his head as a migraine was starting to form in the lobes of his brain because of hours of whimpering and thinking. A paper rustled from underneath the comforter's covers. He reached out and clutched it in his hands.

The musical piece.

"Then it wasn't a dream at all," he whispered into the thin air which dissolved slowly and sent a hymn of disbelief being hummed second by second.

which ticked into minutes…

And minutes…

And minutes 

And minutes

of wishful thinking.

He touched his lips and rubbed it gently.

"But why did I do that for?"

From silence to a crash came the whole house.

Clock stroke 7:30.

And for once in his whole life, Eriol found himself scurrying down to the riot that was being initiated by his guardians. He never left him in peace nor in a rocking slumber. Never was a day they became calm and collected.

Never.

But his guardians didn't matter much at the moment…

It's what the clock reads.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

'Would I go to school today?'

Brain twisting in a decision.

A completely dressed girl paced around the room.

Hands cold.

Eyes somewhat droopy.

'Or will I not?'

She glanced at the morning sun, which greeted her from afar. Her draperies somehow prevented its shine to push through. It's not that she was feeling lonely and desolate. In fact, she was happy.

Happy…

Was it with regrets?

Nervousness?

She touched her lips. Eriol indeed kissed her. But she didn't return it back. She realized that she only stood still at heaven's given moment. Stunned. The night felt so right to her. As if she wished his lips never met its end. How she wished it was for eternity. Hoped it never faded.

A smile played on her lips.

'To hell with the thought of not going to school'

Tomoyo got her things and dashed for the bedroom door. Chuckling her way downstairs and headed for the house's exit. Thoughts of what'll happen today flooded into her mind. She glanced at the watch.

7:30

thirty minutes more before classes.

She mentally scolded herself for not waking up early. She always placed in mind to be at school one hour before lessons begin that she may find time to practice in the music room that always welcomed her each morning. She found herself walking into the streets leading to school.

'To hell with Karma'.

She thought taking slow strides. She didn't care anymore wasting minutes by not hurrying up like what she usually lectures herself every time she wakes up later than usual.

'Was he now falling into my grasp?'

------------------------------------------------------

He didn't care of the time too. He took slow strides and kept thinking how an idiot he was for acting such an ass last night. He shook his head so many times that he was gaining stares from some passersby.  

'Why damnit?'

Fists tightening in confusion.

Head slightly aching.

'Why?'

The inner voice trailed off.

He stopped dead at his tracks as he saw a familiar girl walking in front of him in the same lane.

---------------------------------------------------

'Why?'

She continued to walk towards the school as its view came nearer to sight. But the cold gushing wind made her stop and close her eyes. She wrapped her arms around her waist seeking for warmth in her own embrace.

Though happiness had a big part of her overjoyed heart, confusion was still part of her thoughts on why Eriol kissed her the night before. It was just….

'Strange.'

Was it because he just wanted to?

Was it because he pitied her crying dumbly before him because of a song?

Was it because he felt the same?

"It's no use. Your hands alone will not comfort you."

She felt something wrap around her shoulders that made her slightly jump. She turned and saw Eriol before her with a concerned face. She had shivers run down through her as their gazes met. He had no jacket on and she realized he had given it to her. She tried to hide her smile at the thought of him being so caring. Of course… why not? She was special… his best friend.

"A-about last night…"

Eriol started but was cut off as Anya was coming into view, walking towards the two. Tomoyo saw her coming and felt a stab on her heart as she saw him smiling at her.

"T-thanks for the jacket Eriol. S-see you in class".

Without further thinking, she ran towards the school gate, head down just as Eriol was about to utter a word.

"What's wrong with her?"

Anya asked looking back at the direction she scrammed to.

"N-nothing Let's go to class."

Eriol walked not looking into Anya's eyes as he talked. Anya knew he was hiding something but she couldn't imagine what. She decided to follow him instead.

---------------------------------------------------

"Now next is Tomoyo and Eriol."

"Next is Tomoyo and Eriol."

"Next is Tomoyo's song number."

"Tomoyo?"

She snapped off to the real world after daydreaming once more. Nathan's words were slowly echoing in her ears.

"Are you okay?"

He asked worriedly.

"Yes. I'm fine. Very fine." Giving him an assuring smile. Nathan, after seeing her smile, smiled back at the thought nothing was wrong.

But there is something wrong…

"Okay folks! This is our last rehearsal. The day after tomorrow will be our presentation date so let's all give this concert a big shot."

Everybody clapped and agreed.

"Now Ms. Daidouji and Mr. Hiiragizawa, may we hear your number?"

At this, they performed in front of the whole class and crew.

Memories flooding from the night before.

Tomoyo wanted to caress her lips so bad. She longed for that moment to happen and she feared he regretted it all…

He was still confused thinking of that occurrence. Even he was surprised by his sudden action. He tried desperately to focus on what he was playing but he felt uncomfortable. 

She tried to sing her song at her best but she too, was dreaming away.

As soon as they finished, each gave silent sighs and then bowed to the "audience" with smiling faces and hands entwined. Eriol on the first place, didn't want to hold on but it was out of impulse that he held her hand. Anya was watching and he was worried she'd get jealous and all…

Tomoyo was shocked as his hands encircled hers. Her heart leapt in joy and half in sorrow as his gaze was fixed on Anya who was clapping along with the others smiling at him.

Her heart sank.

She couldn't describe the pain her chest was shouting out. It made her breathe scarcely.

She was wrong after all…

Karma still had its fangs fixed on her as its venom slowly crept to her insides, paining her badly.

Paining each heart's chamber…

Indescribable pain.

------------------------------------------------

_Indescribable pain._

_And that dear diary, kept me hurting for more than god knows how long._

She sat beside the warm fireplace scribbling down notes on her journal. She placed the pen down neatly on the table before her, sighing. She glanced at the side of the table and saw Eriol's coat. She grabbed and clutched it tight in an embrace, caressing it as if it was real and inhaling the scent of Eriol's faint cologne, its scent's simplicity appealed to her. Not wanting the smell fade away. She thought of last night.

Still, the kiss hunted her. 

Scared her.

Strangled her.

Cursed her.

The wind blew from the windows but she never felt cold because of the warm flame provided by the fire, which embraced her nearly icicled veins. It blew so hard that it sent her locks flying and dancing with it. She struggled to tie her nearly messy hair in a pony when an envelope blew its way to her table.

She stared at it for a moment.

Thinking it might not be hers, she dared not move for minutes but suddenly gave in to the cries of her curiosity. Something was pulling her towards it. As if some message in it was important for her to peek in.

She turned the envelope around to see from who it was and for whom. And since it was blank, she didn't hesitate to think twice again and opened it.

A blue paper stared back at her.

Slowly but fearing, she turned to read the note.

_Tomoyo,_

_About last night… I'm sorry for what I have done. I didn't mean to in the first place. You were crying so bad I thought of silencing you. Actually Tomoyo, maybe part of that is I miss you so much. You had always been on Nate's side and me with Anya's that I have forgotten about you and you may also have done and feel the same. Of course, you are my best friend and nothing could compare to you. _

_Nothing compares to my princess Tomoyo._

_So glance at your balcony. I have left something for you as a "sorry" present. You have been avoiding me all day_

_I miss you Tomoyo. I hope you have time for me and I'll assure you'll always have, my precious._

_Love,_

_Eriol_

A droplet stained the word "best friend" on the letter she was clutching so badly.

'He regretted it all…'

'He regretted the kiss…'

'He regretted me.'

'He still loves Anya so bad.'

_….Nothing compares to my princess Tomoyo…._

She glanced at the window and walked towards the balcony. A bouquet of violet lilies surprised her tear stricken face. Tomoyo didn't care to pick up the flowers though how lovely it looked. She looked up the heavens.

'Liar! Anya could compare to me…'

The thought that Eriol could never be hers pained her more and punched her soul.

A star came down from the  sky as the heavens stared at its fallen angel's purple teary eyes. She actually do not believe that much on the shooting star story but all she can do is…

'Wish he knew what I really feel'

The leaves of the night rustled on the ground.

The silence of the neighborhood deafened her badly.

The candlelight that lit her room and the fire light on the fireplace rushed to fill in the darkness.

And with that, she shut her eyes close allowing all the watery liquids of stabbing pain flow endlessly as if there was no tomorrow.

'Indeed I was destined to be alone.'

**AN:         **Bad chappie! *bangs head on wall*. I hate this chapter. I wasn't on the mood to do this but please do **REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW** and let me know how this was…


	11. Confessions

Can't Afford To Lose You… 

By L. Hiiragizawa

**Disclaimer:**           Phooey I do not own CCS. 

**AN:**                         Here's the next chapter and it's almost done. Well yeah, I think 2-3 chappies more… *sniff* thank you all for your lovely reviews. 

                                **Hmikorni:             **or whatever your name is hehe I forgot… I'm sorry for the mishap. I uploaded the wrong file. It's a good thing I went back to check up on it. Here's the real chapter 11…

                                And by the way… sorry for being too cruel to Tomoyo in here… I made a very sad fic… one tragedy after another….but I promise you the ending will be nice…swear!

**Confessions**

It was now or never.

Purple eyes met another purple ones returning back each other's gazes. 

The mirror. A clear opaque glass, which shows the true beholder, a reflection of her own self. There are no mysteries, which could mask its authenticity to show what one truly feels. Though it may seem more of a strange explanation on how it spills everything a person wishes not to see, one thing remains as truth to all hidden lies: it never fails to show the innermost pain, happiness and intense emotions to any being who wishes to seek its revealing truths.

Which of course, Tomoyo hates.

The mirror never hid the lines of sadness and marks of tears, which she desperately tried to hide from the whole world for days. 

And there she was, staring back at her glory that turned out not to be one. She was a failure to her own expectations. An angel struggling to keep up its flight by trying to mend up its broken wing. And slowly, she is nearing her fall. Though how much she tried to outdo all the tragedies that yet may come, destiny was just plain cruel to her. She despised how such a lovely being herself wasn't even blessed with true and everlasting joy.

She sighed as she fixed up her things and laid down all the cosmetics she will be putting on a little later to hide all pleas of attention that her pain stricken face wanted to shout out loud. 

It can never happen.

And must never happen.

She must try to be at her best for today is the big night. 

Today, the whole town will be hearing her chirp another yet powerful song.

She smiled at her reflection. A weak one. Just to make herself better. Aware of the twitchiness of her smile. It wasn't a real one, sad to say.

A knock came upon her closed, locked door.

A voice called out.

"Miss Daidouji, a certain Miss Nakuru wants to see you. Shall you grace her presence?"

Tomoyo, who was surprised all of a sudden by Nakuru's visit, wondered how come he came to see her. Anyway, they haven't seen each other for  a long time, she realized somehow she missed his funny antics. She was just surprised by the guard's wrong use of pronoun. Nakuru may seem like a girl basing it on his outer appearance but he was truly a he on the form of a she.

As soon as the door flew open and she got up to welcome her, the guardian ran frantically and embraced her so tightly.

"Mistress Tomoyo!!!!!!!!!!"

Tomoyo noticed she was formally dressed in a maroon-colored spaghetti strapped gown and her hair was neatly curled up in a bun with strands of hair falling down elegantly. It was a big surprise of course. Seeing Nakuru dressed in such a girly type of thing. But she have to admit, it looked good on her.

"I missed you sooooo much. So I came in to ask if it's okay to be of company before the concert starts… you know… "girl talk" and the pleasure of doing your hair and make-up."

She flinched at the words "girl talk" but didn't mind it afterwards. She sat back and stared at their reflections on the huge dressing room mirror in front of her.

"So what do you want to talk about?" Tomoyo asked as Nakuru kept himself busy by arranging her hair—the French way.

"Oh nothing. How are you these past few days, Tomoyo?"

How was I?

Her chest began to tighten.

"I-I'm fine. Nothing new."

She lied. But she wasn't mistaken when she heard him sigh. 

Did she lie so believingly? 

"Eriol hasn't been home early these past few days since I came from Japan, mistress."

'Of course… why not? He's always with Anya…'

"Nakuru, I know I may sound rude asking this but…"

Nakuru's brows arched in confusion. Did she say something awful?

"Why do you always keep on addressing me as mistress? Don't take my question wrongly. It's just weird of you…"  
  


"Oh that?…"

Tomoyo eagerly waited for the response. She saw Nakuru smiling a weird smile.

"Because I like you calling that… that's all… kawaii ne?"

She wasn't at all convinced by his answer. He was obviously hiding something judging by the tone of his voice. Nakuru on the other hand, was now applying make-up on her face.

"No. Nakuru. Everything has a reason."

"Then if it's not my reason, what is your reason of lying and hiding your true self?"

There came what she dreaded.

He knew of her faking. He saw right through her mask.

"I-I don't k-know what you mean."

She tried to cover-up.

Never did anyone see right in her.

Through her secret world.

"Don't hide it mistress. I perfectly know you cry each night. I know the pain you are experiencing. I know you hide from the world by camouflaging under your sweet smiles. And I know the reason why."

Busted.

Wasted.

All these years of perfecting her show-off masks…

"B-but I---"

"Mistress, your eyes show it all. People may not see the sparkle of the night's tears but I do. I know your problem."

Tears flowed as Tomoyo hugged on to Nakuru for comfort. She never had anyone to pour it all since Eriol had Anya by his side.

"Why does it hurt Nakuru? Why does falling in love hurt? Poets have described love as a wonderful feeling but why can't I figure out its irony? Why does it hurt Nakuru? Why did I ever love the wrong person? Why is the world so cruel? Why? Why?"

She sobbed even more. Nakuru was patting her back and rubbing it just the same.

"Sometimes, love may hurt. But it depends on how a person control his/her feelings. Like you Tomoyo, you try to be strong but your weakness overcomes your strength. Causing you to feel pained and battered. Life isn't cruel. It just tests you if you can handle out problems. I promise you that someday, happiness will flutter its wings and make you fly."

Tomoyo looked on Nakuru in the eyes. He did have a point. Maybe things will come out for the better.

"Now, Now. Stop crying, you have wasted my precious work of art in you. You must look beautiful tonight. And the prettiest!"

She smiled and wiped her tears away. Nakuru was now retouching her ruined make-up.

A knock came from the door and girl came to view.

"Ms. Daidouji. Two numbers more and you're up."

Nakuru stood up and looked at Tomoyo, studying her from head to toe.

"No wonder guys come gushing for you. You are so pretty tonight. Who knows? The one you like may also gush over at you."

She frowned.

"That could never happen. Someone else owns him."

"But if true love is in the way, things may change ne?"

Things…

May change?

Hope…

Life gives chances.

Tomoyo smiled and Nakuru winked. 

"Oh! I better be going. I don't want to miss one of England's finest singers at her best! Good luck mistress."

Nakuru was about to turn the doorknob when a hand deprived her from behind.

"Thank you Nakuru. You didn't know how much what you said mean to me."

"Anytime mistress. Anytime."

He turned the knob but was stopped once more by a sudden question.

"Why do you call me mistress by the way, Nakuru? You haven't answered me yet."

All Nakuru gave was a smile. Tomoyo couldn't figure out if this was a sweet one. It was strange. His lips were forming an odd curve.

Was it a mocking smile?

"Let's just say, I'm practicing what I'll call you in the future…"

He winked. And with that, he slammed the door shut gently leaving Tomoyo's brain in a puzzle.

'Practicing for the future?'

----------------------------------------------------------

"Where is Hiiragizawa?"

A storming Nathan was pacing the backstage slightly angry and slightly bothered. The other crewmembers were also in worries. 

But Anya was nowhere to be found too.

"He can't just ruin this night? Not this night! Not now!"

"Nathan, somebody from his house said he left an hour ago. He also don't answer his cell phone."

The assistant head of the sales department reported.

"Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!"

"How many numbers more before Daidouji?" One asked.

"Actually, she's next."

The crewmembers were now in a battle what to do. 

"Cancel it."

One suggested.

"No. Let her sing Acapella."

One said.

"No. No. A guitar is available. I'm sure one of us could play…"

Arguments were sparking up in the air. 

Scared faces.

And Nathan was just too worried and angry to pay attention to all the fuss. He was absentmindedly walking around the backstage very dumbly. He wanted to punch his fist onto the wall…very bad.

"No. Wait."

Eyes focused on the head of the lights department who since a while ago had kept quiet.

"Why don't we provide him a substitute? I mean, he did left his piece here right? And besides, it's silly to play a guitar on a formal concert. Remember, politicians will be watching."

Some were surprised. Some nodded. Some chattered. Some disapproved.

"But who?"

The head of the sounds department eagerly asked. All eyes were fixed on Nathan whose heart was still thumping hard each second in nervousness. Part of him flaming in anger. Part was concerned. He didn't mean to get mad, he was just concerned of Tomoyo and the concert. This was the most anticipated number. For no less than Tomoyo Daidouji, will be rendering a number. She was the star of the night. And he hated disappointing people if she'd be a no-show. He turned to face the smiling stares of his crew. 

Wait.

Did they find a solution. Must be. Their smiles show essences of triumph.

"What?"

---------------------------------------------------

Tomoyo was ready backstage. She eagerly waited for her name to be called before stepping into the audience. At least, she felt good because she had already had encouraging insights on everything thanks to Nakuru. 

But will it last long?

She felt her heart beating erratically. She figured out something is going to happen tonight. Something unexpected and something big.

She couldn't have a hint nor guess what it would be but if it would require a smile, she'd gladly accept the occurrence.

But if it would be tears…

"…and Tomoyo Daidouji"

An applause was heard behind the walls of the place she was standing.

Wait. 

Was that her name she just heard?

She walked into the stage, heart thumping furiously. Her nervousness deprived her of noticing how big the audience was. She walked into the center of the stage, spotlight on her.

The people were hushing and some jaws dropped.

That very night, Aphrodite had descended from the heavens…

And everybody had the chance to indulge in her beauty.

Tomoyo, clad in a one-sided elegant black gown, which reached her ankles, faced the audience with a smile, making some almost faint by her charm. She felt like melting at all the stares she was receiving. She wished she hadn't exposed one side of her shoulder. it made her feel awkward. But to some, it made her sexy. Sparkling diamonds adorned her pale bare neck and each of her ear. Her silky purple hair was tied up in a French with strands of hair perfectly falling down, accenting her whole posture.

A Greek goddess she was.

Given a cue to start, she turned to the pianist giving him one of her warmest smiles…

_"Someday…happiness will flutter its wings and make you fly…"_

Alas! She couldn't see the face of the pianist. He was in a sheath of darkness. No light illuminated his presence. Tomoyo cocked her brows a bit studying the person seated on the great piano. The position from where he is seated was dim and Tomoyo couldn't make up his features. But one thing made her sure…

The pianist

Wasn't

Eriol.

Her heart slowed down its beating. She felt the blood rush slow down. Her emotions were sucking out the life from her.

Why?

"Before I'd start…" 

She turned to the audience who was still in awe but silenced a bit when her voice came ringing into the whole auditorium. Her voice quivered.

"This song I'll sing was composed by a…"

She was finding the right words to suit her sentence. For at that moment… even Webster couldn't define the way her heart beat.

The way and what she felt that very moment.

She was a nearly a broken glass trying to pieced together.

"…person close to my heart. And I know he isn't here right now. For what reason? I do not know."

Quietness spread all over the auditorium.

"We've been together for years and I dedicate this song to him…that I hope he looks my way."

Blood rush slowing down even more.

Music.

The piano came to life. But not as lively as Eriol's hand moved it with.

She stole a glance on who the pianist was…

Black hair, green eyes.

Nathan Wood.

_Late at night when all the world is sleeping  
I stay up and think of you  
And I wish on a star  
That somewhere you are thinking of me too…_

Where are you Eriol? 

Are you thinking of me?

_Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight  
Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight  
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be  
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me_

I hope I was in your arms right now.

I do hope my wish comes true.

_Wonder if you ever see me and   
I wonder if you know I'm there  
If you looked in my eyes  
Would you see what's inside would you even care_

But do you look at me?

Do you look my way?

Do you see how my eyes weep?

Do you care?

Are you that oblivious?

Naïve?

_I just wanna hold you close but so far  
All I have are dreams of you  
So I wait for the day (wait for the day)   
And the courage to say  
How much I love you (yes I do)_

_I'll be dreaming of you tonight  
Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight  
And there's nowhere in the world that I'd rather be  
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me_

She was singing with all her might. Everyone was listening to her sad voice. Some were moved. Some cried. 

And there she was… covering up her pain with the song and her voice. Eriol wasn't there like what he had promised. Like what he had all promised… all were broken. Just like her heart.

_Ahh ahh  
   
  
_

Her gaze fell upon the audience. 

From left.

Then right.

Looking.

And she stopped her gaze at the end of the aisle.

_I can't stop dreaming of you _

The boy that made her heart beat twice in a second.

The boy who had been there when she needs him.

The boy that made her cry.

The boy that was making her tears fall uncontrollably that very minute.

_I can't stop dreaming…_

Eriol Hiiragizawa was standing staring at her but she couldn't make out if he had a smile. And he was with Anya Makoto. The only girl that stole his heart. The only girl he loved. The only girl she couldn't compete with. The girl of her nightmares. There she stood. Clutching her dearest by the arm. And there he stood. Eyes on her but hands on Anya.

_I can't stop…_

…crying?

Why is my voice quivering?

Why am I singing out of tune?

She clutched the microphone tight. Some of the audience, gasping and standing to see why she had stopped whilst the piano continued.

_…Dreaming of you…_

Tomoyo couldn't contain it anymore. She fled out of the stage wiping her tears. Not caring if she had finished the song. Not caring of her smudged make-up. Not caring if Nathan stood in surprise. Not caring if Eriol was staring with Anya in disbelief. She ran and ran out. 

To hell with shame. She doesn't care anymore. 

To hell with her reputation. She couldn't even show a face now.

To hell with love.

_Late at night when all the world is sleeping…_

The road to nowhere was endless. She ran out finally out of the exit, knowing somebody was following her closely. 

_I stay up and think of you…_

Why do you hunt me Eriol?

Why are can't you leave me alone in my dreams?

She halted when a hand stopped her.

"Tomoyo."

She just glared at the person in front of her.

"What do you want Hiiragizawa?"

Eriol's insides ached as she addressed him differently. Her eyes were now of a slight shade of red. A glare was what he received.

"I want you to explain why you left the audience hanging on there."

"And tell me why."

She paused crying her heart out.

"Tell me why you didn't come on time. Tell me why you made me stupid on stage"

"Okay, if that's what's wrong. I'll explain. I had to fetch Anya but on the way our car broke down. I'm sorry if I wasn't able to make it Tomoyo. You performed well, you aren't stupid."

He walked towards her wiping away her tears with the back of his hand. But Tomoyo was quick and she pushed him aside, letting her back face him.

"Leave me alone."

She started walking slowly to avoid his gaze. He followed her footsteps.

"I-I do not understand." He said confused.

"You will never."

Eriol was sure he was sorry but seeing Tomoyo acting weird like this…

"Why? Why would I never? For god's sake Tomoyo! What the hell is wrong with you? You aren't the Tomoyo I knew!"

Tomoyo stopped.

"Yes. I am not the Tomoyo you knew… the happy, jolly Tomoyo Daidouji you knew. For I have changed so badly Eriol."

She emitted a pained smile. A pained mocking smile. But her smile turned to a frown afterwards.

"Care to guess why?"

Tears flowed.

"Because you were not there. You didn't care for me. You didn't stop my tears when they fall. You didn't see if I'm okay. Do you get that Eriol?"

Her voice was higher now.

"Do YOU get that? I do not know why life had been too rude. First I had Sakura-chan yet she broke my heart. I cried endlessly thinking there was no hope. But you came to picture and gave me faith believing I could reach heaven with you."

Eriol froze staring at her. Her words where like glaciers. Cold but piercing. Such an angel before him was weaving out words like a desperate poet. One cannot contain such emotion that she holds. 

"But I was wrong. Dead wrong. My life became hell. I gain everything but lose all of that in the end. Tell me why Eriol? Why do I have to experience pain all my life? Why do I have to be so unlucky?"

Eriol caught her in an embrace and rubbed her back.

"It's okay Tomoyo. I'm here now. I'll never leave you. I am the luckiest man for having you. You are not unlucky."

He thought of everything he wanted to tell her…

She never wanted to pull apart from him. He seemed so warm and that was all she needed. To be noticed by the ever naïve Eriol. But pride ruled and bitterness won her over. She pushed him aside. Eyes as heavy as ever.

"You'll never leave me? So many people have said that Eriol. But what happens? I get left alone. Sakura once said that and now you. You, Eriol! You have told me once that you won't leave me but you did it. You have Anya now. You left me."

"No. I didn't leave you Tomoyo. Anya may be my girlfriend but you are still my best friend you are far more special to me than anything else."

Eriol argued.

"Best friend? Yes. Only your best friend. Nothing more. I don't know why I was such a jerk. I don't know why I ended up being with you. I don't know how you can be so naïve Eriol…so unknowing. You were known to be great but I don't know why I hate you so much right now…"

The wind gushed as she paused for a moment. Stares being exchanged.

Hate.

She hates me.

"You don't know what hell I have been through. You don't know that I suffered and cried. You don't know I pained to see you and Anya together. How I loathed seeing you hold her hand rather than mine. Be with her rather than me. How I loathed myself for not being her. Can you now see it all Eriol? Do you now UNDERSTAND?"

She slightly punched her fist against his chest. She was screaming every word on the top of her lungs in between sobs. She didn't care if the whole world will hear her. What matters is she must tell it now. Not tomorrow, not the next day after tomorrow. 

Now.

"Do you now understand what hurt it is to love? And not to be loved in return? Do you now understand how destiny can pain you? Do you now understand that I have fallen in love? Not to anyone else Eriol…"

A tear streaked from Eriol's face. He can't stand seeing her like this. And he was expecting this for a long time… 

How he wished things weren't these harsh than he expected it all to be…

_And I still can't believe that you came up to me and said I love you…_

"But you."


	12. My Angel...

Can't Afford To Lose You… 

By L. Hiiragizawa

**Disclaimer:**           Me no ownz CCS. :'(****

**AN:**                         Second to the last chapter of my very first ficcie. Sorry if I had to put a cliffhanger I don't want each chapter to be exaggerated ya know… cliffhangers are part of my system of writing. Dunno why but I just love 'em… teehee ^_^ 

                                **Syaoran no hime: **Golly salamat (thank you) sa recommendation… *bows* ur still the best!

                                By the way, expect less mushiness…as in super mushy. Less is more ya know…

                                Sorry for this *cough* delay… I had tonza work piled up and im off all day tomorrow… talk about

                                Stressing a 14 year old!

                                Salamat to all the reviews!!! My golly, I'm shocked.

**My angel…**

_"…You."_

The world had stopped its rotation.

A halt in the present was clearly unfolding.

And one by one the stars died down.

From the brightest, they shifted to faint glimmers. Balls of fire slowly closing itself from the world below.

But never was it a notion nor a silly phenomenon.

For even the mystical moon's vague and unnoticed craters seemed to deepen itself more and more although not visible to some eyes lacking keenness and sharp visions.

But to him…

The sentenced one…

He did notice its anger slowly engulf him…

Down 

Down

Down below…

Into deep darkness…

The owl had hooted so many times:

The melody of a tragic moment enclosed in time's wrath.

And the rage of Mother Nature mourned with her death…

The wind seemed extend their pitiful condolences to her cries and pleas and now was in motion, slapping his face by hard blows…

Fierce they were indeed.

_"You Eriol…_

_My one and only…_

_You alone…_

_No one else…_

_You."_

His victim's voice slowly trailed. The wind was rushing so hard, replaying every word she had uttered. Repeating every single pierce of her poetic words swaying in his bothered, rather insane mind. A mind molded by great years of magic; a mind molded by unparalleled knowledge. Knowledge beyond ones imagination. 

But this knowledge, he failed to live up to, by now facing a trial of his own stupidity.

But these trials and shameful thoughts were not physically executed as others might see it.

He is being judged and executed by his own self.

What's wrong with me?

What do I feel?

Why are things not expected to be what I want them to be?

Am I not omniscient to change destiny?

What's the use of the brain if I can't make my own work?

Or am I really…

_"Naïve Eriol… How can you be so naïve? _

_…So very oblivious?_

_You really never cared nor loved_

_Just as I did."_

And once again 

Eriol Hiiragizawa…

Was wrong.

Deep azure blue pools stared right and found the answers in her watery and emotion-filled violet glaring eyes. He realized everything. And everything was so right in place. Just as his heart was so right. 

The rain was pouring hard and its cold, icy droplets were drenching each who was staring intently. Finding and seeking each other's souls from their round, flapping doors…

At least their doors weren't flapping at the moment.

"I hate you Eriol. And I curse myself for ever falling for such a jerk like you."

Her fists were tight and trembling in the cold. She didn't dare to continue further. Thoughts of going home flashed in her mind. Just going home and cry her life away. And she won't care if her eyes will be swollen or her heart will stop beating or even when the fresh leaves of the trees around will fall dead because of her deep misery. She just wants to be alone…

And go home to where she really meant to be…

Eriol found Tomoyo turning back and run as fast as she could. He ran too and didn't care of the outbreak of heaven's falling cold tears. He didn't at all care for heaven too made his own fall and slowly trickle and blend with the night's pour.

"Tomoyo. Wait. Let me explain."

He ran and ran. Slowly nearing her…

Bit…

A little bit more.

"Go away you beast. Haven't you enjoyed tonight's show? Or maybe you want another rerun of my desperately stupid drama." 

Her voice creaked, mumbling those words whilst she ran.

"I care for you Tomoyo… can't you see that I do? Since my stay in Tomoeda, I started caring. Till now I really still do."

"Shut up! Go away! Shut up!"

As loud as she can say.

He was nearing her…

So near…

Inches apart, he grabbed her hand, which made her, halt to a stop. 

She struggled in his grasp. 

"Away! Away!"

"No Tomoyo! You haven't made me explain it all yet!"

"And what do you need to explain? I know it all already, you don't have to rub it all in my face…"

"Not yet."

"What not yet? Are you and Anya together not a proof you love her? That you are always with her? That you don't care. Tell me, what do you need to explain further?"

Her voice was high. Tears stopped but eyes, fiery red. And she fixed his glare unto his soft stare. Daring never to sink into him. She was now revived. She must not fail.

"Anya and I---"

Eriol stopped dead.

_Will I say my reason?_

_Will I?_

_Will I?_

_Why does it have to be all this hard?_

_Damn me! Why must I suffer my consequences in the first place?_

"Anya and I may be together now. We may stroll along together. But it's not what you think Tomoyo. You are thinking very wrong. And the one who must be called naïve is you…"

"ME? Naïve? For god's sake Hiiragizawa. I was so aware of everything. I peeked even into secrets. I know all of what's happening. I may not be as intelligent as you are but I still, am aware of everything."

She wanted to laugh at him so badly.

Hatred and grief was mixing in her: such a formula, which made one confused. 

And yes, that time. It was weird. Tomoyo was indeed confused. 

"What do you want to prove Hiiragizawa? That you are better than me? That you are the 'Oh most high and powerful half reincarnation of the greatest sorcerer the world has known'? Well get this: I don't care."

She tugged her arm away and slowly walked away…

"Yes. You may think of me very stupid right now Tomoyo. A boy, helplessly crying to someone who bid not to hear his heart's true beat…"

…But she stopped once more and tried to hear what Eriol was going to say next. 

"All those years from my stay in Tomoeda, one girl hunted my dreams. One girl made me blush in secret. One girl made my adrenaline rush and my heart go faster. One girl has looked into me and made me realize the world out there wasn't lonely at all…"

The raindrops were slowing down and each freezing drop sent shivers to all that were under their shower.

Which made Tomoyo shiver. But she wasn't sure yet of it was the rain or…

Him.

"Oh how sad was I before she came. But her laughter and company made me change insights… made me know that I now have something to keep my life going on."

The night was still and quiet. Stars were slowly shining back. His execution was nearly over…

"Letters kept our distance bonded and god knows how happy I was when she moved next to me. Now, I was closer to her. I never left her when she cries every night. I knew she was recuperating from a heartache and how I wished she would shed tears for me. How I wished since before she had noticed me."

The light.

The light was now creeping in slowly and filling the darkness that had once blanketed it all…

"…But you know what Tomoyo? She never even noticed what I felt for her. She might see right through me and all the secrets I keep but she was blinded by my deepest darkest secret. She failed to know it completely. Instead, she went on with her life with her best friend. And that best friend was secretly watching his angel. His one and only angel."

_"No wonder guys come gushing for you. You are so pretty tonight. Who knows? The one you like may also gush over at you."_

Nakuru.

Was she right in the first place?

"He then found refuge in a certain girl. That girl knew what he felt for his angel but an angel like her wasn't fitted for him… she was just too…"

Blind?

Am I?

Why?

What?

Her tears found its way back to her eyes and slowly, each of them were waiting for their turn to fall out.

"…that girl helped him through and pretended for him. He knew she was hurt but she loved him so that she wanted him too be happy. He in turn, thought that maybe in her arms, he might forget it all and just remain as the angel's best friend, for that might she wanted it all to be. She told once that she had no interest in guys and when he was about to confess it to her on the night they rehearsed in her room the song he wrote for her and because of her…"

_"I think I love y---_

_I think I like Anya."_

No. 

Am I wrong?

Am I the one who didn't see?

Am I the one who was oblivious and not him?

"But I can't. I just can't tell her Tomoyo. How that hurt."

Tears trickled down his cheek. 

Fists tight.

Chest hard.

"How it hurts. The boy thought she found refuge in another's arms and that she have found her true love. But the boy in grief learned from his angel's "love" that he was just like a brother to her and her, a sister to him. He, the supposed guy of the angel, knew of the grieving boy's affection and he was trying to reach out to her but she just stirred away."

What was this story?

Why does it feel like I know it?

Her tears now found a reason to fall.

"And he knew all her undertakings though she thought of him wrongly. Now, that he knew that his angel felt the same way, he found a reason to love her still and till forever but things turned out not what he expected it to be. Instead, she drifted farther apart from him. Things now were all wrong. And he made the gravest mistake of all…"

Tomoyo had now the courage to face him.

Tears on eyes.

Eyes on him.

"The boy and the angel's best friend was me" 

He moved close to her.

"…And his angel…"

Taking her hands with one hand and wiping her tears away with the back of his other. 

"My one and only angel is you."

**AN:                **Awwwwww sorry for breaking all your hearts… this is all sad…. But the next chapter which is its last will be

                Of a happy ending… I promise!

                Gomen for the very loooooooooong wait. Huh? Huh? Really Really sorry!!! 

                Please Reviewwwwwwwwwwww. No offense. I tried revising this for I think it was…uhhh… kinda bad.

By the way… just figure out who was the one talking and thinking. I write to confuse people and make them figure and analyze things all out by themselves. Again, because I hate exaggerating. But if you want clarifications, don't hesitate to e-mail me. ^_^


	13. Release

Can't Afford To Lose You… 

By L. Hiiragizawa

**Disclaimer:**           gaaahhh look at the previous chapters for disclaimers… ya don't have to rub it on my face I do not own CCS as much as I would like to! 

**AN:**                         Oopsie! I'll make a correction. This is the **second to the last chapter **by the way not the other one. This was actually supposed to be the last one but I revised it coz some aren't cleared up yet. 

                                Plus, I'm VERY sorry I had to delay the posting of this chapter despite all of your reviews, which are very cool indeed… (arigatou). You see, I have this semi-finals to prepare for and buncha unit and chapter tests to study for. Much of the fact I want to die, I can't to my despair. Why? I gotcha fic to finish and a life to live. Booooey.

**Release**

Cold and misty was the night air. And everything, just, everything was still and quiet. Few sparkling lights illuminated the streets of England. The streets were still damp and slippery, an evidence from the rain that had poured out earlier from the heavens. Quite short the rain spilled down, but it had left the whip of its temperature still lingering. Cringing every creature outside the walls of their cozy homes.

And one man sat beneath a tree around the dimness of the night.

Grasping a silver, amethyst studded watch in hand.

Alone he was, with arms embracing his knees in a desperate attempt to escape the cold.

But though he would have escaped it, coldness still remained in his insides.

Recent events came flooding into memories…

…Memories, which one cannot contain due to its tragedy.

And for once in the life of a famous sorcerer's reincarnate, tragedy had struck his numb and foolish heart, sending for the first time…

Tears.

A purple haired girl came to thoughts, as his head buried itself in his knees. And a word finally escaped his lips.

"Why?"

"Maybe because you failed to notice that because of your own feelings, you toy with other's as well."

His head looked up only to see two piercing red eyes staring at him in…

Was that pity he sees?

"Mind if I join you? I'm worried to you alone out in this weather."

"S-sure. I won't mind at all. I just needed time to…"

"Think?"

Anya sat beside Eriol and stared up to avoid his gaze. It will just hurt her.

"Eriol, you had so many days to think if what you did and doing was wrong or right. Simply because you are a very wise man, it doesn't mean that what you all do are correct and doesn't involve hurting others. Even the wisest men make mistakes Eriol. And only a god cannot."

He felt her take his hand and give it a squeeze.

"When you came into my life, I perfectly knew we are just meant to be friends even though I felt that somehow in a way, you made me fall for you…"

"Anya…"

"But who am I to change your feelings for Tomoyo? Though you came and told me you love me, at first I wanted to believe that this was real and I wasn't merely living in a fairytale. But I could see in your eyes that day a hint of insincerity and a past love that never faded."

Tears were welling up in Anya's eyes.

"And I learnt I was wrong. For I was indeed in a fairytale. These few weeks we've been together made me the happiest girl alive for I was with the most charming man in the planet. But those happiness were in vain. That man was still over his best friend. He made me an instrument to forget her. That maybe because of me, the feelings inside him would fade away. And by learning to love me, he'd start a new life."

Eriol squeezed Anya's hand and made her face him. He wiped away her tears.

"But I do love you Anya…I did."

"Yes you DID love me but it wasn't love at all Eriol. It was attraction. I knew all these times your heart still clung on to her without you telling me and as we do this game of pretending, I could see her hurt and crying. That breaks my heart Eriol. While I am happy with a man who every girl would die for, another is suffering. And not only that. The man was too, silently suffering."

"Anya… I'm sorry. I am so very sorry."

She smiled a bit to give him the courage. She went there to give courage…not to discourage.

"You don't have to be sorry Eriol. I too, want to thank you for everything. You have been a part of me and the best of me and that's okay. Though these few weeks of my stay here had been the best, I couldn't stay no longer. Don't worry, your memory will be forever be treasured till my next lifetime."

"…stay no longer? What do you mean? Are you—"?

"Yes. My parents are calling me back home, and though I hate leaving such a beautiful place, I must."

"B-but…"

Anya slowly stood up.

"I have no business here Eriol, I could go now. I just want to break up and just be friends with you alright? Please tell Tomoyo that I am no foe. I am a friend too. I'll be leaving for the US tomorrow morn. You don't have to follow me to the airport that would just hurt me more."

She slowly walked away from the tree. She could taste salty droplets from her eyes.

"Wait Anya."

Anya stopped walking and turned to Eriol greeting him a goodbye smile.

"Yes?"

Eriol was now smiling warmly. He walked towards her and gave her a hug.

"Thank You Anya. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, it is I who must say that."

She broke the hug and slightly and playfully slapped him in the arm.

"Now what are you waiting for, idiot? Off with your girl!"

He chuckled as he ran way, waving her a goodbye. Anya watched as he slowly faded from the view and once again, a tear fell from her eyes.

"Goodbye Eriol. I still do love you."

--------------------------------------------------------

Nuts!

Tomoyo!

You are Nuts!

Nuts! Nuts! Nuts!

How could you be such a numb idiot all these years?

How could you?

Tomoyo was mentally screaming herself while walking fast along the streets of England. She was absently mindedly wiping all the tears that fell from her eyes, ignoring stares of pity from some late passersby. Neither did she care if she lost her poise walking like there was no end. All she wants was to go home.

Go back to her real home.

And if it meant not seeing England ever again, she will.

England was now full of memories she could hardly contain. The heaviness of her heart was slowly bringing her down. Pulling her to hell, her body nearly touching its flames.

Her heart was once again broken.

Shattered.

Burnt to ashes.

"If only I knew what was bothering you then I won't be very worried at all."

She stopped dead in her tracks.

A deep male voice was heard from the shadows.

She dared not to turn back.

"W-who are you?"

"It's me."

She took trembling steps forward.

"If you wish to get my autograph then leave me alone."

"I do not wish to. I've gotten a lot of them already."

"Then why are you in--- Nathan?"

Nathan just stood there staring at her. He noticed her pain stricken face.

"Tomoyo, once and for all… what is wrong?"

She turned around avoiding his stare.

"You have no business whatsoever."

"But I am your friend. Of course I have business with that."

He made her face him.

"I saw it all… is it about him?"

Him.

As the word struck her, tears uncontrollably fell. She couldn't help but hug him for comfort.

"Why am I an idiot Nate? Why does my heart have to suffer twice?"

"You are not an idiot Tomoyo."  
  


"Then why didn't I know he loved me in the first place?"

She shoved him aside. Wiping away every evidence of sadness and sorrow.

"You don't understand. You didn't love in the first place."

"But I did. I loved you."

He looked away.

"But as a sister. I know Eriol belongs to you. And I knew he liked you. Since you came here years ago, I started to like you. But I know that Eriol has his eyes on you too. Your so-called friendship was more than that and I saw that he loved you Tomoyo. It was pretty obvious. Everybody noticed that except you."

"Nathan…"

"I may be your friend but I do care a lot about you Tomoyo. And I know your happiness lies with Hiiragizawa. You see, loving is one of the most important and the nicest feeling one could ever feel. You have always told me that you are unlucky but you are not Tomoyo. You just don't hesitate to see who loves you truly. You were blinded. And I--- Hiiragizawa does."

He faced her and wiped away her tears.

"So do a favor and smile for me one last time."

Tomoyo was confused.

"One last time? What do you mean?"

"I'm moving to the US to pursue my career there."

He looked up to the heavens.

"My flight leaves tomorrow. But do not worry I would never forget you. You are the best thing that happened to me. Though I just became close to you recently, I'll forever remember you being once a part of me."

Tomoyo smiled. And he returned his gaze to her.

"Thank you Nathan. I too will remember you. But you will write right?"

"Yeah, anything for you my lil sis".

He patted her on the back and gave her a slight push.

"Go on and be happy with him Tomoyo."

"Don't worry Nate, I will."

Tomoyo smiled, gave him a peck on the cheek and waved goodbye as she walked along.

Nathan touched his cheek and smiled but within the darkness, a droplet fell.

Slowly

And slowly

It fell to the ground.

Blending itself within the damp, cold earth.

And then, in the silence of the night,

 The wind echoed a heart's cry:

"Goodbye Tomoyo, I did love you."

**AN:         **Oh goody goody I got rid of the two. Just imagine what'd happen to them. I wont elaborate further but you could e-mail me for questions. To those who wanted to recommend me and use my fic on their sites, thank you so much, I am so touched. Dontcha worry I'll be writing. Just after these stupid schoolwork lightens its load on me… gaaaaahhh! I have 3 long tests tomorrow! Gaaaaaah! Ja ne and arigatou again.


	14. Till Forever

Can't Afford To Lose You… 

By L. Hiiragizawa

**Disclaimer:**           Screw disclaimers. Read the previous ones. But I would just like to repeat… I do not own Selena's Dreaming of you.

**AN:                         **So I guess this is farewell to this fic. *sniff* thank you all for reading and reviewing my work… this is such an honor… *sniff* I just finished my semi-finals and just screwed Bio… grrrr… Please review for the last time and tell me if this is an awful ending. I would be glad to accept bad comments.

**Till Forever**

_"The boy and the angel's best friend was me" _

_…And his angel… _

_My one and only angel is you."_

Tomoyo Daidouji's head had been in pain thinking…

Realizing…

And remembering.

Everything had been coming back to her since she had stepped into the grounds of peaceful England. She was reminiscing every single memory she had left behind.

All the joys…

The smiles…

The pain…

Never had she learnt how the world revolved in its beauty in Tomoeda. She lived so long before in a world of make believe…

Knowing nothing in the world is sad but everything was focused on its brighter side. She had never felt how it was to be living in dimness; away from all light…

Being able to love and learn its consequences…

And to be secretly loved in return when things get all blurry in sight.

It was just now…

Just now that she had become real to everything that was hidden away from her innocence.

Just right now.

She was caught in front of a mansion. Its doors were closed and the light illuminating its dark insides was in its faintest glow, which was clearly shown from outside its windows. 

"I wonder…"

Knock.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Tap.

Tap.

A groan.

"Suppi. Suppi…" 

A yawn.

"Get it yourself."

"I'm too tired Suppi. It must be master. Get the door." 

"Hmmmm…."

A thump.

"Alrrrrrrrrright. But I warn you. You won't get away with this."

As soon as the last voice was heard from the outside, the door flung open.

-------------------------------------

_"Do you now understand what hurt it is to love? And not to be loved in return? Do you now understand how destiny can pain you? Do you now understand that I have fallen in love? Not to anyone else Eriol…"_

_ But_ _you."_

Eriol Hiiragizawa has been picturing a certain picture in mind while walking on the grounds of where he grew. He secretly smiled at the thought.

There in England, he opened his eyes being a mere reincarnation of the world's greatest sorcerer. He had lived in shadows…

In darkness…

And everything a normal human does and feels. He was deprived of the world's smiles and anything good. He longed to be free and feel everything he wants to feel.

He never chose his fate to be an identity of someone's one who had already lived.

But it wasn't until he saw her and knew her.

_Her…_

She who had taught him how to admire…

Go crazy…

To love….

And learn its consequences.

---------------------------------------

"You LOVE him? I knew it mistress! I knew it!"

"Stop squealing like a witch Nakuru…it's past 12 in the morning. Have pity to those who are asleep!"

A muffle.

"Did you hear that Suppi? Mistress loves master…he was wrong!"

"I know. I have ears dammit. But can't you see I'm trying to sleep? For goodness sake!"

Tomoyo watched as the two fought and gave a sigh.

"But he still has Anya. I am not expecting him to pity me in the first place."

Silence.

The two guardians gave her a long, quiet stare.

"He must have confessed but who knows if it's for real?"

Quietness.

The early morning still.

The two just locked their eyes on her in pity.

"But anyway, I have to go. I'll wait for him later. I need to rest."

Tomoyo stood from the couch she was sitting on. Nakuru and Spinel whose arms were still frozen up in the air in a near attempt to scratch each other's faces, just stared at her, jaws slightly open.

As she neared the door a shout was heard.

"Wait!"

-------------------------------------

Eriol stood in front of a certain door, thoughts in a mental battle.

What if she still hates me?

What if she won't accept me anymore?

What if I get hurt again the second time around?

What if I fail?

Knock.

Knock. Knock.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

There was no answer but only the rustle of the leaves from the trees nearby. He felt his eyes slowly closing and his sight got heavy. He felt his feet move away from the house in instinct and found himself in front of his own home.

'She still hates me…'

As soon as he entered the house, four piercing eyes greeted him.

"Go up to your room and settle things straight."

----------------------------------------

Tomoyo stared up at the night sky above her which was still freshly sparkling amidst the fact that the clock had cuckoo-ed a while ago. 

2 a.m

She still cannot sleep though her eyes were biding her to do so. Her body was weak but the thought of him made her lips twitch in a smile. A familiar song had filled the room. She felt an urge to sing.

_Late at night when all the world is sleeping  
I stay up and think of you  
And I wish on a star  
that somewhere you are thinking of me too_

_Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight  
Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight  
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be  
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me_

_Wonder if you ever see me and   
I wonder if you know I'm there  
If you looked in my eyes  
Would you see what's inside would you even care_

_I just wanna hold you close but so far  
All I have are dreams of you  
So I wait for the day   
And the courage to say  
How much I love you _

_Cause I'm dreaming with you tonight_

_Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight_

_And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be_

_Than here in my room_

_Dreaming about you and me_

_Late at night when all the world is sleeping  
I stay up and think of you  
And I still can't believe  
That you came up to me and said I love you…_

She sighed and continued to stare outside the window. The room was quiet and she could only hear her herself breathing hard.

But not for long…

Clap. Clap. Clap.

She turned around and saw a blue-haired boy sitting on the bed smiling at her. The only weird thing about him was he had his glasses off. Tomoyo was surprised at first and just gave him a stare but later on she found herself grinning at the sight.

"Why so early?" he teased.

"Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"And why do you care Mr. Hiiragizawa? Does time care when you visit a friend?"

Eriol chuckled and pouted afterwards.

"A friend? You only consider me your friend?"

Tomoyo came in front of him with hands on her hips and one brow raised.

"Why are we an item Mr. Hiiragizawa?"

Eriol stood up and took a step near her making her back a bit.

"Not exactly but maybe…"

She found him advancing to her with the same sheepish grin on his face. But Tomoyo was quick and turned her back to him before he'd corner her.

"Hah! Why so expectant? I still haven't forgiven you. Besides, I am not pleased with what you've done to me a while ago. You think I could give in so easily? You must be too proud of---"

As she turned around to face him she found him kneeling in front of him with his puppy dog eyes pleading her to spare him.

"Eriol!"

"You said you haven't forgiven me so here I am kneeling. Like the view?"

"Stand up this instant!"

"I'm sorry Tomoyo. Would you forgive me? Please? Pretty Please?"

"I said… Stand up this instant Eriol. I'm not a god."

"But to me you are."

He smiled.

"Very Cheesy."

"Why? Do I look like I'm joking?"

Tomoyo, who in despair cannot make him stand up, made her way and sat on the bed, arms crossed.

"Nice try."

Eriol stood up and stood in front of her with hands wiggling.

"Ah… so you're playing hard to get, eh Tomoyo?"

She sensed something very dangerous as he wiggled his fingers in front of her. It was like there was a sign hanging on them saying "watch out", and indeed she would for Tomoyo knew what's going to happen next as Eriol's grin widened and her face was sketched in shock.

"Oh no. Oh no. You are joking right? He he"

She moved backwards as he crawled towards her still wiggling his "killer fingers" but as she reached the other end of the bed, she knew she was dead.

"No I'm not. As long as I haven't heard the words that you have forgiven me, I wouldn't seem to be joking."

She caught his hands with hers in an attempt to stop its wiggling.

"Okay I forgive you. Now is that fine?"

He smiled wider and Tomoyo sighed in relief.

"No. That doesn't convince me."

And in a second, his fingers caught her hips and tickled her mercilessly. Tomoyo was now laughing uncontrollably, rolling in the bed to stop him from what he was doing. 

"W-wwhat do you want?"

He stopped tickling her and looked intently into her eyes.

"You."

"Excuse me?"

"I said I want you."

"Duh! I am here right now!"

"Why just now?"

Tomoyo gave him a confused look but somewhere inside her she was smiling.

"Can't you make it till forever?"

She pouted.

"You have Anya."

He pouted too.

"You have Nate."

They returned their gazes and shouted in unison.

"Not anymore!"

Silence.

"I-I have to go now. It's getting late."

Tomoyo was about to leave the bed when a hand had caught her arm.

:"Not so fast Tomoyo."

She saw him smiling as he grabbed her back to the bed.

"You cannot leave me now that I know you're here."

To Tomoyo's surprise, their faces were just inches away.

"W-what do you want?"

"Sing."

"Come again?"

"Sing the last part of my song… you always leave it hanging."

Tomoyo couldn't resist. She had also waited for the time to finally sing the last part of Eriol's song. And why couldn't she? His hands were encircled on her waist that sent shivers down her spine. She gulped and closed her eyes.

'Here goes nothing'

_Now I'm dreaming with you tonight_

_Till tomorrow and for all of my life_

_And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be_

_Than here in my room dreaming with you endlessly_

She opened her eyes and found Eriol smiling sweetly that she almost melted in happiness. 

"Beautiful…"

"What?"

"Cute…"

"Cut it out!"

"Very sexy…"

"Shut up Eriol you're squeezing me."

He tightened his embrace on hers and whispered to her ear.

"Ever wonder why I do?"

He faced her and locked his gaze with hers.

"Because I cannot afford to lose you."

Eriol bent down to kiss her and as Tomoyo felt his lips on hers, she smiled her very contented smile for the first time in her life. And she knew for sure that this day is the best day of her life. She now believed that after all those pains, she'd smile finally at the end. Her life wasn't unlucky at all and it was fair enough. Destiny's game had brought him finally to her and she knew that she wasn't at all destined to be alone. Her tale had a happy ending after all… 

And no…

This wasn't a fairytale.

For indeed, everything was real.

**AN:         **This is the fic's end and I'd make this clear: there will be no sequel to this… if this chapter was too sappy or mushy please do let me know but I'm not like other authors who make sequels because the tendency is it would increase the sappiness and I'm against that (on the case of my fics okay…no offense). 

                But I have an **upcoming project**, which is an **AU**, and please do **watch for it**. It's another **ExT **for you people demanded me to do so. So THANK YOU to all of you and please do watch out for the next fic… this is for me better than this one. ^_^

                Btw, thanks to those who really supported me. I just don't want to mention names: you guys know who you are

                **P.S**     Go to my profile to know the summary of my upcoming project. Ja ne peoplez and God Bless!


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